COLUMN Ranking the Penn coaches

From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95 The four sets of criteria were: 1) career winning percentage; 2) recent performance; 3) championships won in ratio to years coached; 4) considered (snap) judgements made by me -- with some input by my DP cohorts -- on the coaches' effectiveness, game strategy, relations with players, etc., etc. Also, whether the coach is a good quote, gives gifts to DP sports writers (thanks for the wrestling hat, Roger), provides home phone numbers of the team so one can circumvent the Penn Athletic Communications bureaucracy, and some other fairly irrelevant and arbitrary criteria played a small but REAL role in the fourth category. When there was a tie in score, a serious attempt (read: coin flip) was made to judge the overall performance of the coaches and rank them accordingly. Finally, applying the knowledge I learned in my high school chemistry class, I reserved the right to fudge my data so it would fit my preconceived notions. Let the rankings proceed. 1. Al Bagnoli, Football, 19.5 points: He's one of the best coaches in college football and he knows it. 2. Fran Dunphy, Men's Basketball, 19 points: His biggest coaching challenge will be this year. 3. Roger Reina, Wrestling, 16 points: He's well on his way in making the Quakers a top-20 squad nationally. 4. Bob Seddon, Baseball, 16 points: The 25-year coach led Penn's boys of summer to the NCAAs last season. 5. Charlie Powell, Men's Track, 16 points: He's guided his team to the Ivy title three of the last four years. 6. Val Cloud, Field Hockey, 15.5 points: Instrumental as a long-time assistant in creating an Ivy power, she headlines the show this year. 7. Betty Costanza, Women's Track, 15 points: Her nine Ivy championships undermine her demands for an indoor track. 8. Cissie Leary, Women's Tennis, 15 points: A consistent winner over 18 years and she recruits people from my hometown, too. 9. Stan Bergman, Men's Heavyweight Crew, 14.5 points: He's been named Coach of the Year by the Eastern Association of Rowing Colleges three times. 10. Tom Kovic, Gymnastics, 14.5 points: His team is both an Ivy and G.P.A. power. 11. Anne Sage, Women's Lacrosse, 13.5 points: The legendary Sage would have been ranked much higher if she had continued coaching Field Hockey this year. 12. Dave Micahnik, Fencing, 13.5 points: An astounding winning percentage faces off against my anti-fencing bias. Touche! 13. Shaun May, Athletic Communications, 13 points: This former Coast Guard S.I.D. is taming the Athletic Communications bureaucracy in his first year. 14. Margaret Feeney, Volleyball, 12.5 points: A hard-nosed coach who gets the most out of her team even if it means second place. 15. Gene Miller, Men's Tennis, 12 points: The former F-14 pilot has rapidly improved the men's tennis program in his four-year reign. 16. Patrick Baker, Women's Soccer, 11.5 points: Baker is already performing minor miracles with recruiting and victories. 17. Bruce Konopka, Lightweight Crew, 10.5 points: He has some worldly credentials and some notable victories to boot. 18. Carol Bower, Women's Crew, 8.5 points: Bower is trying to make her Golden Touch work in Philly as it did in L.A. 19. Terry Corcoran, Men's Lacrosse, 8 points: He should become a very good coach but going winless in the Ivies is not a good start. 20. Ned Edwards, Men's Squash, 8 points: If Edwards could play for the team himself, Penn might finally beat Harvard. 21. Julie Soriero, Women's Basketball, 8 points: A strong finish last year is hopefully a sign of better things to come. 22. Demer Holleran, Women's Squash, 8 points: It didn't help her in the rankings that she's a recent Princeton grad. 23. George O' Neill, Men's Soccer, 7.5 points: The real test for him will be when his own recruits take over. 24. Bill Wagner, Lightweight Football, 5 points: He's a damn good pitching coach for the baseball team. 25. Kathy Lawlor-Gilbert, Swimming, 4.5 points: Don't bother writing petitions. 26. Linda Carothers, Softball, 4 points: She had a bad decade.