COLUMN: Just A Different Religion

From Paul Godinez's "Word Up G," Fall '95 From Paul Godinez's "Word Up G," Fall '95A boy named George meets a girl named Mary. They converse on the repetitious, inane topics of Ivy League students like horrible professors, gut courses, and why they hate Penn. People always talk about race playing the crucial role in the dating game in this multi-cultural society. There were, and still are, neighborhoods where European ethnicity determines marriage. Wealth is a big consideration for some people. For Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, it was the family in which they were born that was supposed to determine their dating rituals. Everyone has standards and limits placed on them by cultural and religious elders and even themselves. Religion has always been a considerable factor. A good friend of mine recently broke off his relationship with a Jewish girl. They both tried to explain to each other that it was a myriad of things. The one great consideration was the girlfriend's parents' disapproval of their daughter dating a non-Jew. This type of experience is a social norm for non-Jewish men who date Jewish girls here at Penn. This is not a stereotype of the Jewish faith -- it happens when any two people of different cultural backgrounds try to establish a relationship. It is that, at Penn, this conflict between Judaism and other religions is so common. The risk you run is getting too close to someone whose family and friends would never accept you because of your faith. This inter-faith dilemma is a new occurrence for me. Growing up, all I ever knew was Catholicism. For twelve years of pre-college schooling, I attended weekly mass, studied religion with priests and nuns, and said prayers before class. Every social activity revolved around school or the parish. I never saw another religion up close until I came to the University of Pennsylvania. Inter-racial couples were the oddity in high school. A black friend's involvement with an Asian girl exposed me to the harsh racism that society holds for these couples. The racial bias of her parents and the school disciplinarian, who forbid contact between them, seemed so wrong and un-Christian to me. I was the substitute boyfriend -- picking her up for weekend activities, the school dances and even the senior prom. Her mom was convinced that we were an item, when all along, I was the middle man in a engaging conspiracy. The youthful vigor of this scheme to thwart our elders' unwanted intervention was something special. Back then, my friends thought that nothing could stop their love for each other. And if I could help their cause, I was more than willing. Their relationship seemed to grow strong once it was forbidden for them to date. They looked beyond their cultural boundaries and found a best friend in each other, someone who could be a support when they needed one. This relationship did not last through their first year in college. What no priest or parent could destroy, mere distance demolished. Inter-faith and inter-racial dating have much in common. They are about opening up to a new cultural arena they would never have known. In both scenarios it is the influences of the elders, intervening in the name of culture and tradition, that determines the direction of relationships. This intervention, though unwanted in some instances, is also sometimes very necessary. It can rekindle faith in an individual gone astray or, as in the case of my high school friends, bring the odd couple together in the name of defiance. College is a prime testing ground of religious faith, values and prejudices. Exposure to many different experiences can weaken or strengthen students' religious faith just as it can breakdown or strengthen their racial bias. The guidance of parents is crucial and necessary. However, there is a fine line between guidance and interference. Dating those people of different faiths and races exposes an individual to new worlds that they would never have known. Whether a relationship grows into something deeper can not be judged at an early stage. Those people who choose to date within the faith should be admired. It is their strong faith that determines how they will conduct their lives. Some consider their children's religious training, while others want to strengthen their religious faith with their mates. They value religion enough to sacrifice the opportunity to meet a large percentage of available companions in bars and night clubs. The strength of one's moral conviction determines much about a person's character and can be an attractive characteristic. Those individuals who choose to date someone different should not be chastised. Their openness to other cultural perspectives is unique in this religiously diverse and segregated Penn environment. A relationship born in bratty rebellion has little chance of surviving in the long run. But a relationship built on mutual understanding can, indeed, become something special. Parents' advice should be welcomed, but should be taken for what it is -- advice. Inter-racial dating is a difficult issue that many college students have faced. I respect people who date within their religion, but I urge you not to close yourself off to others that may have the same values and morality, just a different religion. Paul Godinez is a junior political science and History major from Bryn Mawr, Pa. Word Up G appears alternate Thursdays.