DP SWAMIS/Sports Illustrated jinx?

However, before we Swamis detail to you why and how our inevitable Ivy League champion Quakers will destroy the hapless Crimson, we first would like to expound on our glory from yester-week (alright, so it's not a word. Sue us!) Every one of us Swamis accurately predicted the Penn trouncing of those kittens from across the river last week (with the unfortunate exception of Cement Head who somehow managed to pick Columbia to win the contest, thus justifying his name). Furthermore, we all loved the littering of the Schuylkill (who cares how much a new goal post will cost?). With that little ado out of the way, on to this week's victim (opponent? What's the difference). However, when the Quakers march into Harvard Stadium tomorrow, they will be trying to overcome the mysterious force known as the Harvard Hex. Penn has not won there since 1972 (which coincidentally just happens to be the same year that Keith Elias was held back in kindergarten for the fourth time). To understand the whole 'hex' concept better, or jinx if you will, we Swamis hopped on our magic carpet and flew over to New York, home of Sports Illustrated and the infamous SI Jinx. Oh sure, our first guide, Mrs. Johnson (who claimed that customer service agents are not permitted to give out their first names) tried to play dumb, but she couldn't fool us. "I've never heard of the Sports Illustrated jinx," she cooly said. "We do not give out opinions here." You what? Well she still picked Penn to topple the Crimson. After she tried to shove us out of the offices, we made a mad dash to the grumpy and loud-mouthed Public Relations Director, Roger Jackson. "There is no such thing as the SI jinx," he claimed. "I've heard of it, but I don't believe it exists." Whoo, one jinx down. After he so solemnly disavowed the alleged SI jinx, he refused to make any predictions on tomorrow's gridiron action. He went even further and explained that to quote him "is not real journalism." What a relief, we Swamis almost thought we were working without being paid here at the Pink Palace. Thank goodness Roger (don't call me Reggie) Jackson set us straight. Even though the extremely bitchy people in New York (who said that people in the Big Apple aren't always friendly?) denied the existence of jinxes, our quest for wisdom was not finished. We jumped onto our magic carpet once again and flew out of the Empire State just as quickly as we could. We headed straight to the expert on strange occurrences –Ethe National UFO Reporting Center in Seattle (a good use of our Swami tax dollars). "We feel these UFOs are probably coming from outer space and other solar systems," Robert Gribble said in all seriousness. "However, the only evidence that is available is not what science would accept. We have everything else but physical evidence. We have photographs, over 2,000 cases where the aircraft has left behind physical evidence and many highly credible witnesses." Of course, after this testimony (this guy was completely serious and truly does believe what he was saying), Gribble picked Harvard to crush the Quakers using the force of the jinx. In all seriousness, we Swamis all know that the Harvard hex is about as real as the Easter Bunny (sorry to burst your bubble Keith Elias, but no, the Easter bunny does not truly exist). Speaking of Keith Elias, one of his counterparts, Jeff Trost (aka the Faxer) – a second-year Penn medical student who actually went to Princeton for four years – actually sought us Swamis out to impart his wisdom on this weekend's gridiron activity. But not until after he grovelled for our forgiveness for his actions of last weekend. You see, the Faxer actually believed his Tigers, and his beloved Elias, actually stood a chance in Hell against the Quakers. Sorry, Faxer, guess that Princeton education didn't actually teach you all that much. But we're sure that your pal Keith could have told you that himself.