DPOSTM to become easy-listening center

The Daily Pennsylvanian's Only Staff That Matters, (Sports, that is) may rock and roll no more. Because DPOSTM's new regime of Adam Rubin and Josh Friedman resembles the Princeton offense in the fact that they are really BORING. Not to mention that easy listening music may be greeting DPOSTM writers when they next enter the Pink Palace. · He used to be called Interruptus but now he's Alabama Slamma. Seems as if during one of Adam's first DP stories as a precocious freshman he called a men's tennis player for an interview. Apparently, his timing was off as the Quaker star was in the middle of serving one up (if you know what we mean) to his girlfriend, the hardest and best-placed serve of his life -- an ace if you will. Rumor has it this may be the closest Adam has come to serving it up since he arrived at college. Just ask his friend Marc, who recounts a story of Adam's prowess or lack thereof on the court in high school. It just so happened that Adam arranged a Battle of the Sexes with a female classmate in the spirit of the world famous Bobby Riggs/Billie Jean King match. History indeed repeated itself as Adam lost the match, his pride, his remaining shred of manhood and a considerable amount of money in a 6-3 romp by his female opponent. "He said he was going to kill her and he didn't," says Marc, his best friend since third grade. "I knew he was going to lose." There must have been a little more than money and pride on the line as Adam wound up taking his opponent and conqueror to the Senior Prom. As per his character, we figure the whole night was a double fault. Speaking of faults, Marc points to Adam's driving as a major one. "He hasn't improved since the day he got his license. It's like you're taking your life in your hands. I'm sure he's fine when he's driving straight." Ari, who has witnessed Adam's transformation from Interruptus to Alabama Slamma, confirms the driving prowess of his fellow intern at the Birmingham News. Besides getting a speeding ticket while driving down to Alabama in September, Adam managed to lock his keys inside his car, (while it was still running) while covering a Friday night high school football game. "He was a little nervous for a while," relates Ari. Perhaps that nervousness led him to the most grievous sportswriting transgression -- misquoting. Apparently Adam had trouble deciphering the Southern drawl of Samford football coach Chan Gailey. Adam printed what he thought he heard -- which led to a retraction from the newspaper and a memo from the Managing Editor. The upsetting memo circulated throughout the office and remained on the Sports Desk as a constant reminder of Adam's faux pas. "That weighed on Adam a little bit," Ari said. Weighing on Adam's friends is his taste in music. "When I think of his type of music, Barry Manilow comes to mind," says Marc. "The best music [that he likes] is soundtracks and it basically goes down from there." God help him. · Taste in music is also a problem for his co-editor Josh. Josh, also known as Sleeper for his interest in a particular Penn vs. Yale football game two years ago, is apparently a diehard Neil Diamond fan. Not only that but he absolutely loves Star 104.5's "Between The Sheets" romantic pop show. According to some of his (former) friends, this may be as close as Josh gets to romance. As the story goes, Josh came back from Winter Break freshman year with stories of various escapades involving scantily clad women covered with foam and bubbles in the most romantic of all cruise boat settings -- the hot tub. Seems as if Don Juan of the Love Boat -- which, of course, he tabbed himself -- sowed his wild oats on a Carribean cruise. The problem is, not one of his friends believed him. "We never had any proof except his word," a slightly inebriated former friend Mark Rosenbaum recalls. "The only way I would accept the validity of the story was if he could prove his worth at Penn and so far he hasn't?There's not a chance this guy claimed an entire ship of women, let alone one." Josh seemed to think that he could claim a shipful of women due to his prowess in the gym. Roommate Tal explains Sleeper's habits when hitting the weights. "He makes a horrifying face when he lifts weights," Tal observed. "It's grunting followed by air conditioning. His head sinks back, he snarls, his mouth shifts to one corner of his face. "He exhales so hard, that if you stand next to him you can feel the breeze. People have been known to laugh and point." So you can see why Josh must have scored big time on his cruise. Speaking of scoring, Sleeper believes that he can do it a lot -- on the basketball court. His hoops skills are legendary -- to himself, that is. Seems as if one time at Gimbel Gym, Josh took offense to an opposing player questioning his greatness. This led to a little trash-talking from Air Sleeper. "That would shut him up," he thought. Next thing he knew, the guy, who was twice his age, twice his weight and twice his size had him in a choke hold -- apparently not too amused with Josh's musings. Sleeper was not heard from again on the fateful afternoon. · So there you have it. The tale of the new leaders of the sports writing machine that is DPOSTM. Best of luck to Sleeper and Interruptus on repeating the success of the Undefeated Editors.

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