Yes folks, it's swami time again!

What's green and soapy and softens your hands while you're doing the dishes? Palmolive is the answer, but "Who really cares?", you say. "Trust us", we say. So, just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale about Colgate, toothpaste, personal hygiene, and ? oh yeah, college football. This week, our beloved Quakers travel to scenic Hamilton, N.Y., to battle Colgate University. Rumor has it that the Red Raiders, after hearing about the Yale-Disney sponsorship deal, have apparently sought out the financial aid of Colgate-Palmolive Co. Upon hearing this news we boarded our magic carpets and headed for Colgate's corporate headquarters in the Big Apple. Consumer Affairs Representative, Claudio Puglese, was very knowledgeable and shed some light on the Colgate-Colgate merger opportunity. "We don't have any affiliation with Colgate University," he said. "Our corporation has a strict policy with sponsorships because we get so many requests a year. We can only donate to so many organizations." Well, we dare any man, woman or child to find any group more needy than Colgate football. If every corporation in America vowed to improve the Red Raider program, Colgate would still be inferior to the gridiron juggernaut known as Penn Football. After Claudio quelled the sponsorship rumor, he was more than happy to reveal his toothpaste preference and his feelings about Colgate's top competitor and the makers of Crest, Procter & Gamble. When it came around to picking this weekend's games, Claudio admitted that he was choosing only the teams he had heard of before, but he did pick Penn over his employer's namesake. "I'm an avid user of Colgate-Palmolive products, and not just because I work here," he said. "I've been using Colgate toothpaste since I can remember. My household also uses other Colgate products like Palmolive, Mennen's Speed Stick, and Murphy's Oil Soap." We couldn't care less Claudio. We swamis in our infinite wisdom still think Colgate (the University) sucks, but we thought we would ask Procter & Gamble if they thought Colgate (the toothpaste) sucks. We hopped on board our carpets for the journey to Cincinnati, but when we arrived we could not find Mr. Procter or Mr. Gamble. But we did run into Laurie, a Consumer Service Representative, who was not very helpful. She adamantly refused to pick this weekend's games and when asked about the competition between Colgate and Crest, Laurie, who faithfully uses Crest, wouldn't confirm that Colgate does indeed suck. "That would be considered proprietary information," she quipped. "It is not for public information." Excuse me, proprie?what? We swamis think Laurie at P&G; could have been a little bit friendlier. But for now, and until our next swami installment, everything is clear. Colgate – the university – SUCKS. Colgate – the toothpaste – DOES NOT SUCK. Procter & Gamble – Laurie's employer – SUCKS.