COLUMN: How I Spent My Summer Vacation

From Brian Kennedy's "Surfo Ergo Sum," Fall '93 From Brian Kennedy's "Surfo Ergo Sum," Fall '93It is a well documented fact that the most prolific subject ever written about is the perennial summertime vacation. According to a professor of Anthropology here at Penn, who spoke off-the-record, recent excavations at a secret location in Iraq reveal that the first clay tablets ever scribbled upon detail a young Sumerian boy's ten weeks of relaxation by the side of the Euphrates. Ever since that fateful day, teachers around the globe have been making their students follow in this great literary tradition during the first week of September. Yet, this tradition is combined with another characteristic of Penn students to create a new genre, the Over-Inflated-Sense-of-Self-Importance-Summer-Vacation-Story. Embellishment– a fancy word for bullshit – turns the normal Quaker's internship into an orgasmic experience. This usually manifests itself in conversations that begin, "Well, spending the summer at home must have been nice, but I had a really great experience." This conversation usually continues with the cautious dropping of the word "internship." Internship is a fancy way of saying "a job without any pay." The recently-interned student usually beams with pride after having associated themselves with this position, and awaits the awe-inspired gasp from the listener. The remarkable thing is that unpaid labor used to be called "slaves" or "serfs" (being a serf is a much different activity than surfing.) Over the years, this was decided to be an undesirable position and caused many uprisings by those interns who saw their position as demeaning. Yet, all of the Penn students who work for nothing seem to take pride in this fact. They profess to be "forward-minded" and "aggressive people ready to take charge in the business world", yet they let themselves be coerced into doing free labor (a side note – I'm looking for an intern to specialize in household maintenance; anyone interested give me a call). Once the interns have awed the listeners, they usually continue by outlining their duties. "Well, I worked closely with the head of the department" is spoken commonly. This usually means that the head of the department was in the proximity while the intern was making photo-copies or pouring coffee. A variation on the internship theme is the qualifying clause, "in Washington." The interns usually raise their eyebrows as they say this. It is meant to denote that the interns were not only doing important things, but that they were doing them in the capital city. Watch out though when an attractive female intern tells you that she has worked closely with Senators Bob Packwood and Ted Kennedy. If she tells you that the three of them formed a "joint-committee," then you know the committee's meetings probably lasted into the wee hours of the morning. Another popular summertime activity for we Quakers is summer school. It is curious to note that "summer school" carries the worst possible connotations in a high school context, yet at the college level it is a highly respected activity. Yet, taking classes over summer break is indicative of two types of personalities. Some one who is "took four classes this summer" is either an egg-head who is rushing to graduate in two years or some one at the other end of the spectrum who is trying to evade real school work. The egg-head takes summer classes to avoid the thought of any free time. Free time causes them to reflect upon how dull their lives are and leaves them feeling despondent. As long as there is Orgo to study, they can avoid the depressing road of self-reflection. The second classification of summer students usually takes classes over the summer so that it will avoid having real professors, or so that it can successfully stay on the eight- year plan. It is curious to note that most of these students are overly large males who wear a lot of Bike sportswear and chew a lot of Kodiak, leaving a trail of brown spit behind. Once you can sort through the rhetoric of summer vacations, you really have an understanding of the Penn psyche. Those who don't fall into either of the above categories (internship or classes) usual hang their heads in shame early in the year the same way most Penn students do when they are around their friends who got into Harvard. They feel as if they have wasted a good opportunity for getting ahead in life. Me? What did I do on my summer vacation? Well, being the forward-minded, aggressive student that I am, I certainly didn't waste such an opportunity to improve my lot in life. I had a high-profile position on a team of aquatic experts specializing in ocean rescue and primary emergency health care response. I had immense responsibilities which included observation of implemented binary corporeal textiles. Brian Kennedy is a senior English major from West Orange, New Jersey. Surfo Ergho Sum will appear alternate Tuesdays.

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