COLUMN: "Gunplay and the American Way"

From Mike Ingenthron's "Cheesecake Truck," Fall '92 · Thomas Hall, 57, was convicted in Nashville, Tennessee, in April in the shooting death of his brother Howard. Thomas, who had just mopped the kitchen floor, became upset when Howard tracked in mud from the outside. Thomas yelled at Howard, and both men ran for their guns. · Two 13-year-old boys were playing poker in Chicago earlier this year. One of the boys would continually flatulate and accuse his companion of producing these bodily noises, so the second boy got a gun and shot him. · Matthew Stong, a George Washington University student, was arrested in Alexandria, Virginia, in June with 90 handguns jammed into three duffel bags. "It's not like I am a criminal," Stong told The Washington Post. "I scored 1400 on my SATs." · A 15 year-old boy was arrested for suspicion of murder in March after a 5-year-old boy a half-mile away, in Carson, California, was hit by a flying bullet seconds after the older boy fired his gun almost straight up into the air while showing off for friends. · An Indiana appeals court ruled in April that a railroad employee's estate was entitled to federal railway worker compensation payment because his death occurred in the line of duty. The employee was shot by a 13-year-old boy as he leaned out the window of his train for the purpose of passing a note to a co-worker reading, "Eat a bag of shit." · James Sinclair, who had sued the L.A. Police Dept. in an excessive-force case, shot his lawyer, Michael Friedman, to death in June. Witnesses to the shooting quoted Sinclair as saying, "Attorneys have ruined the world," "Attorneys have done enough damage to the people," and "Now is the day of justice." If you are a person of above-average intelligence, you probably found two connections in these eight examples. 1) They involve gunplay. 2) They involve gunplay for totally stupid reasons -- with the possible exception of the one about the lawyer. When I read stories like this -- sure, I think they're funny at first. But then I get to thinking, and I think "Mike, you live in a country with some really stupid people who do things like this every day." Then, I think about how comforting it is that some of these stupid people own guns. I would like to believe that some of the countless gun-related incidents would be deterred by the introduction of handgun restrictions, such as last year's Brady Bill, which placed a seven-day waiting period on the purchase of guns. But a sociological survey of felons convicted for gun-related activity found that only 16 percent bought their guns legally. Will a waiting period help? I doubt it. However, I'm still in favor of gun restrictions. The number of handguns in this country -- the type of guns used most for criminal activity -- has increased by 145 percent in the last 30 years. Researchers also found that this phenomenon cannot be explained by population increases. So why, you may be asking, do I support gun restrictions? It's not because I despise you sporting types who grab a gun and shoot animals. If you find blowing away deer -- big, docile, dumb dogs with antlers -- to be a challenge . . . Well, great. But that issue is a color of a different horse. Also, it's not because increases in urban crime have caused many people to buy guns to protect their homes. If they want to make burglar broth out of every miscreant they catch coming in the window, that's fine with me. Chances are, though, that they won't. It's also not because of the occasional incident in which innocent bystanders get mowed down by some drug dealer with a machine gun -- "Grandma and the kiddies getting greased along with the target," as one Miami law enforcement official put it -- because it doesn't happen that often. I also don't condone gun restrictions just because the number of gun-related homicides compared to the number of, say, knife-related homicides -- which ranks second among weapons used in murders -- is at a ratio of four to one. What really bothers me is this whole firearm/patriotism ideal: that America was formed on a strong military and owning a gun is a constitutional right -- and without it, this country would be nothing. First of all, the reason we have the right to bear arms is because America was founded out of revolution. Naturally, the writers of the Constitution were going to provide the right to own a gun, so people could shoot the British if they ever came back. But that was a long time ago. I think it's safe to say that the British aren't showing up. Unless you find guys like Morrissey a threat to our national security, this right is outdated. Secondly, the Constitution is not set in stone. It can be changed -- that's why slavery isn't legal anymore. Plus, if I thought a bunch of guys sporting wigs over 200 years ago would know what's best for this country today, I'd move to a country really far away. I think over the last 200 years, developed nations have matured a little. If you look around the world, not too many wars are being fought in the big, advanced countries. Most take place in the little, piddling countries. If you feel that the U.S. needs to be a military superpower, and that war helps us keep the peace and boost the economy, just shoot yourself. The future of this country depends on our economic standing, and there is no increase in the standard of living based on the number of Iraqis we killed last year. Plus, the reason war helps the economy is because it keeps unemployment down. After all, a dead guy can't hold a steady job. I suggest without this military ideal, maybe there wouldn't be 80 guns per 100 Americans in the country, or as many gun-related deaths. It is also rather ironic that while the war on drugs rages on, many of its proponents oppose waging the same war on something equally as menacing -- guns. If the status quo remains, a young black male living in an urban area could very well be a rarity. It's reaching the point where if you are a young black male in an urban area, you could flip a coin to determine if you'll be alive at age 25. So if you own a gun, and you know how to use it, and you use it responsibly, hooray for you. You're a great American. Uncle Sam loves you . . . maybe even more than you love yourself. But your country has far more gunshot victims than any other country in this world. And if someone you know gets shot, oh well. After all, it's the American way. Mike Ingenthron is a junior Accounting major from St. Louis, Missouri. "Cheescake Truck" normally appears alternate Mondays.

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