COLUMN: "The High Rises: Yugo or We Go?"

From Jonathan Steinmetz's "Taking the Long Way Home," Fall '92 This first impression will linger, and when their precious child finally says, "I'm thinking of moving off campus," the response will be one of utter fear. "We love you so much, and we don't want you mugged like the person on the front of The Daily Pennsylvanian every Monday, Wednesday and Friday," they will say. "Don't worry -- we'll give up feeding the dog so you can afford to live in the high rises next year and be safe." "We know it's the most expensive rent per square foot in the city of Philadelphia," they will sigh. "But hey, we wouldn't want you to have to commute all the way from Rittenhouse Square just to get a cheaper apartment." The powers that be at Penn realize this. The administration has figured that as long as West Philadelphia remains a dangerous place to live, students will continue to pay Park Avenue rents to live in Harlem tenements. That's why the high rises are so crummy. Well, Sheldon and friends, I think you thought wrong. Nobody is rushing to move in -- unless you count the members of Theta Xi. Eventually the laws of supply and demand take over, and people go off-campus. Especially when you can get a much bigger and nicer place to live, and still have enough spare change to buy a damn good bike, a stun gun, mace, The Club, and even have some money left over for the muggers. I'll admit I'm bitter. Last week, on that night gale force winds ripped through campus -- and hurricane force winds ripped through Superblock -- my roof leaked. Instantly, my roommate owned his very own waterbed, size twin extra long. At least Residential Maintenance was honest. "There nothing we can do. If it rains like that, your room's going to get wet," one of the maintenance guys told me. "They just haven't kept up the building." And, as he said to me, "Squeaky wheel gets the oil." That's why he had seven other leaky rooms to visit in my building. Up until that point, our wheels just hadn't squeaked loud enough. Face it Penn, you bought a Yugo. Not only that, you haven't maintained it. Those 15,000 and 30,000 mile checkups really do extend the life of the car. Although preventive maintenance is the first thing to go when money is tight and a budget needs trimming, it is a smart investment. The high rises were built as a result of a housing shortage in the late 1960s, back when sophomores weren't allowed to live off-campus, curfews were still in vogue, and anti-war protests -- sans Bill Clinton --were thriving on this campus. Penn needed more housing, especially since more women were being admitted. Problem was, the school was running a deficit. So, Penn decided they needed more on-campus housing to compete with rivals like that other "P" school, as well as make more money by getting more students to live on campus. The University kicked around some plans for a Residential College system like that at Yale, but eventually nixed it due to a lack of funds. Funny how history has a way of repeating itself. For those of you who have heard the myth that the high rises were supposed to be temporary, it's false. The high rises are built out of steel reinforced concrete, and there isn't anything much stronger than that. The high rises reportedly had a great deal of student input in their design. Well, I don't know if that really was the case, but I do know that there needs to be some student suggestions as to how they can be improved. I know the University, even with massive tuition increases, still can't seem to find the money to improve the things that really need improving in the high rises. So, I will list some things that could be done for less money, some more so than others, which might help attract more residents to the high rises. 1. Cable TV. This is the nineties. I still go through withdrawal from ESPN every time I come back from vacation. Nothing like a good tractor pull at three in the morning to help recover from a night out. Besides, I could watch C-Span and the Discovery Channel, and become the educated person college is supposed to help me become. 2. More carpet. Carpet the hallways of High Rise East. The others have it, why doesn't HRE? 3. More social activities. Now I know the High Rises aren't going to become Melrose Place, but a fewmore group activities and planning might be nice. The Freshmen floors have them, but the other floors don't. In the High Rises, you have to go out and want to make friends -- the architecture doesn't lend itself to meeting people. 4. More light. I never would have included this on the list, but my roommate just came back to the room after trying to studying in the Rooftop Lounge. He needed a desk lamp. A lamp, you ask? It seems there wasn't enough light to read by. If anyone is concerned that the bright lights would ruin the majestical view of South Philly, a dimmer switch could be used. No student should have to bring a lamp with them to study. Paper and pens, yes -- a lamp, no. 5. Quicker repairs. Residential maintenance takes forever to resolve problems that aren't emergencies A girl on my floor told me that she didn't get the roller to put her toilet paper on when she moved in. She filled out a form in September. She received a roller last week. Now I know that wasn't a high priority on the maintenance list, but it also didn't require much effort for them to provide her with one. I bet Sheldon's house isn't repaired by Residential Maintenance. 6. Faster elevators. It's not a new problem. The slow elevators are a hassle all the time, but especially during move in and move out. 7. A beach volleyball court. I don't understand why Sigma Chi has a court for themselves, and the University can't manage to build one for the residents of Superblock. I just want to spike my books every time I walk by their court on a beautiful day, and get the urge to go out and play beach volleyball, and realize there isn't anywhere to play. Where I come from, there's one on the beach, and it's a great way to meet people and hang with friends. I'm not asking for a beach or Florida weather -- even Sheldon Hackney doesn't have that much power -- but if the University wants to do something with my rent, that's where I want it to go. Since they seem to have absolutely no plans to make sure my roof doesn't leak, they may as well provide me with something enjoyable. Everybody has things they want. But remember, money talks. Complain to Residential Living if there are things you don't like. Write letters to the editor. If that doesn't get anything accomplished, just remember, your dollar is what they're really after. As George Bush might say, when it comes to the University of Pennsylvania, "Watch your wallet!" Penn is the one that's really mugging you. It's just a much smoother operation. Jonathan Steinmetz is a Wharton sophomore from West Palm Beach, Florida. "Taking the Long Way Home" appears alternate Fridays.