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and DAVID BOYER 34th Street Staff Writer "Dan Sacher can quote a lot of impressive shit." -- Paul Abboud, former roommate. At first glance, Sacher is "a really dark character. People who don't know him think he is brooding and are afraid to joke," says girlfriend Becky Creskoff. Unfortunately for Dan, we're not afraid. We're gonna tell the truth about 34th Street's incoming Managing Editor. After extensive investigative reporting -- nudge nudge, wink wink -- the only consensus from his intimates is that Sacher is a horrific dinnertime companion. "He shlurps everything. He is horrifying to watch," says Creskoff. Abboud concurs, "He shlurps everything. He is horrifying to watch." Weird, huh? But there's more to Sacher than food dribbling down his chin. He's Street's resident artiste. "He is really funny, sort of slow and makes you think he is brooding," Creskoff said. "He sees himself as a Scorcese but identifies with T.S. Eliot and William Burroughs." "I don't wear my artistic sensibilities on my sleeve," he claims. Yeah, right Dan, whatever. A resident of New Jersey, breeding ground for the 20th century intellectual elite, Dan has always "had a great sense of aesthetics," according to his mother. "He is very good with color." Par exemple, as a mere artistic sapling, Dan told his mother not to paint their home green, worrying that "we would be living in a frog. But that couldn't be right because frogs move and houses don't." Clever, huh? And so, 15 years later, Dan takes his insightful brilliance to the four windowless walls of 34th Street. The future's so bright, we just gotta wear shades.

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