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This Wednesday, a interdisciplinary research team from the Penn Fine Arts Department and the School of Dental Medicine published the results of a groundbreaking study. Approximately 89.43% of individuals who identify as male don’t really know how to smile in photos.
Finally, a sport we might be national champions in. Penn has made it to the in the Elite 8— of a nationwide, collegiate Tinder "swipe-off." Now, we're only two rounds away from finding out if 200 students get a free Cardi B concert on the last day of classes.
The growing prominence of Early Decision in Penn’s admissions process is not without controversy. Applicants who apply early must submit a binding contract, and are required to enroll at Penn upon admission. Legacy students, student-athletes, and students of higher socioeconomic status have been shown to compose a disproportionately high percentage of the Early applicant pool. And despite the fact that fewer than a sixth of applicants applied early, Early Decision admits made up over 55% of Penn’s Class of 2021. For these reasons, last year’s Editorial Board of The Daily Pennsylvanian called for an end to Early Decision.
These days, students on campus often like to criticize the “Penn Bubble.” They say things like “go past 40th Street once in a while,” “try exploring our wonderful and historic city” and “stop eating Halo Top and get your lazy ass out of bed, Sophie!” But I’m here to tell you that staying inside of the Penn Bubble is not actually a bad thing. Yes, I’m serious — you should totally, definitely consider never going past 40th Street again.
Sarah Clements (E '19) has always been a huge college basketball fan—ever since yesterday afternoon, around 2 p.m.
Ben Schuyler (W '19) likes his sleep.
Everyone knows that Tom Bradley (W '18) is a great student. He has 4.0 GPA, he's been a member of the Dean's List in 2002, 2004, 2005, 2015, and 2017, and he's also weirdly good at deflating footballs.
Big news for the 14 students at Penn who genuinely enjoy sports: after a win against the LA Rams on Sunday night, the Eagles clinched the NFC East! But it wasn't all sunshine for Eagles fans. Carson Wentz, the Eagles' very talented, ginger, and North Dakotan quarterback, left the game with a season-ending ACL tear. Yikes.
Hey folks,
When my parents paid a sick $37.75 for my Junior Class Sweater, I was thrilled. People would recognize that I'm an upperclassman— I'm just taking Econ 001 because I need to fulfill the Society sector, okay? Plus, I would have a cute fall sweater that I could wear homecoming weekend. But when I finally picked up that bad boy after waiting eighteen hours in line, I was disappointed. Because, my P-sweater? It's really more like a P-sweatshirt.
Dear Applicant,
Hello world, it’s me. I know a lot of crazy things are going on in this beautiful, dark, twisted fantasy we puny, ephemeral beings call life. Some good, a lot kinda suckish. So, I get it. You’re probably pretty busy right now. But I need to tell you about something. Something that people are not talking about. Something I find really, really important.
You had a pretty sweet date night two Thursdays ago. First, you went to a sick BYO— ate some vaguely Asian food, drank a quart of Sunset Blush, the usual. Then, you hopped in an Uber and drove 8 blocks to the venue. Even better? The bouncer your date's frat hired totally fell for your IDGod Connecticut and gave you a wristband. Haha, like, you're not gonna be 21 for another 4 months. Sweet! Good thing you paid $12 for a jack and coke and sipped it in a designated section of the club while everyone else danced. Can you say awesome?
College freshman Julia Gibson is super single. Like, she dumped her high school boyfriend of 2 years over the summer so she could wouldn't be tied down in college, and she's not sad about it at all. She also thinks she might be almost on the way to talking to this one guy, but she's not sure yet. So when she was tagged in a Penn Crushes post last night, she was thrilled.
According to her roommate, Taylor Otto (C '20), Rachel Greenfield (E '20) is seriously the worst. Taylor had totally thought they were going to be best friends after spending 80 minutes together during NSO, but boy was she wrong. Rachel doesn't really take out the trash that often. Taylor is pretty sure that Rachel hasn't filled up the Brita filter once this semester. Some weekends Rachel does this thing where she comes home drunk and pukes in the sink, even though the toilet is right there! Worst of all? Rachel never does her dishes.
According to his Facebook profile, Harrison Kelly will be graduating from The Wharton School in 2018, and is studying —sorry, concentrating in— both Accounting and Finance. Looking through his photos, Kelly appears to love wearing pastels and walking East of 36th Street. He seems happy, but he's hiding a dark secret. It's, like, October 14th, and Kelly doesn't have a full-time banking job lined up already.
Tom Anderson (C '19, N '19, E '19) used to have it all. He was happily pursuing his fabulously uncoordinated triple-degree program, and was looking forward to a moderately unrelated career in consulting. But today, that all changed.
It's official. The day is finally here. On this day, October 9th, 2017, sophomores Erin McCarthy and Melissa Ryan have been Facebook Friends for exactly one calendar year. And thank God they shared the news with the world, or else millions of people may never have realized the gravity of the day.
You may have heard that once again, Rodin had a fire alarm go off in the middle of the night. For Rodin residents, this certainly was an annoying an unfortunate event. But the story the mainstream media hasn’t told you? The fire alarms themselves — they’re overworked, underpaid and in need of a higher quality of life.
Students in Professor Timothy Romanov’s “Philosophy of Why You Text ‘lol’ When You Aren’t Actually Laughing out Loud” agree that the class is “mostly, pretty ok.” On PennCourseReview, the Course and Professor Received fairly solid (but not amazing) 2.98’s, while the class was rated only a 2.12 for difficulty.