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(04/30/12 10:12pm)
When I came to Penn, I thought of myself as a poster child for anonymous hookups. As a naive freshman, nothing seemed better, but the trouble with having a bunch of one-night stands began at my freshman year sorority bid party. I started making out with a good-looking guy. I was confident with him, kind of bitchy; it was hot. He asked me to guess which frat he was in, but I couldn't. “You'll see when we go there,” he said. It wasn't a suggestion or a question—and I liked that, because it was obvious I was going home with him. He was teasing, being kind of an asshole. Exactly what I wanted. He never even asked my name.
(04/19/12 3:18pm)
Seems as though plans for the new University City liquor store at 43rd and Chestnut– you'll recall that it's the one that would replace the porn shop– have fallen through. Unfortunately, the Zoning Board rejected the application, which was the second in five years following an unsuccessful attempt in 2007, as the DP reports. Though some small-business owners welcomed the proposed venture, the West Philadelphia Muslim community protested having a liquor store so close to their mosques.
(04/11/12 11:14pm)
Ah, the last few hours of class have finally wrapped up, which means you're anxious for Fling to begin! Below, UTB provides you with a breakdown of this weekend's activities. This is obviously by no means a complete list, but rather a sampling of what Fling has to offer. (In other words, we're not tryna rain on anyone's unregistered parade.)
(03/19/12 10:46pm)
I'm here at the Palestra on a steamy Philadelphia evening (the 8pm start has worked in our favor) with Sushaan Modi and Allison Bart, as Penn takes on Butler in the second round of the CBI Tournament. Student tickets were free for tonight's game against the Bulldogs, who appeared in the last two NCAA championships. Follow along, as you probably don't get HDNet to watch on TV.
(02/27/12 2:14pm)
It's the home stretch before Spring Break, everybody! So there's probably a good chance you're trapped under a pile of books and swimming in papers until you can shed the North Faces and sun those nips in the beautiful vacation destination of your choice. Let's see if you can't steal away a minute or two to attend some of the awesome events going on this week.
(02/21/12 11:44pm)
Tomorrow afternoon is the second monthly University Council meeting of the semester, a forum for discussion and recommendations of issues and policies for the university. If you wanted a chance to speak, submission for questions or proposals were due last last week (womp). Nonetheless, below are some issues we hope attendees have planned to address (or begin maniacally ranting about as they charge the stage, only to be dragged out of the room by the bodyguards we like to pretend Madame President has).
(02/13/12 9:41pm)
We're hearing a lot of buzz about the new student-operated website "Greekdex," so we've made it our own personal mission to understand the exclusively Greek online hub. Penn Junior Anthony Diepenbrock IV and Cornellian Charles Moyes III developed the idea so that Greeks could have a new forum by which to communicate with one another, both inside and outside of their own affiliations. On the school-wide discussion panel, dialogue is conducted collectively, as if Greek houses themselves are talking to one another.
(02/13/12 3:29pm)
Check out NEC's latest video encouraging Penn students to run for the UA (if you dare) and the Class Board. It's what all the cool kids are doing--or, at least, that's what our favorite blonde did. Watch A-Gut (generic Franklin quote included) swivel uncomfortably in a chair along with other campus celebs like Professor Rebecca Stein, Dean from Magic Carpet and Dean of Admissions Eric Furda. We still don't want to run for the UA or Class Board, but that's okay, because someone else will take the initiative.
(02/13/12 4:25am)
This photo, taken from the 39th block of Baltimore, shows cops reporting to the scene of an unconfirmed car accident from which one of the parties involved fled on foot, as reported just minutes ago.
(02/13/12 4:09am)
BREAKING: Potential Criminal Activity On Woodland Walk– We're hearing unconfirmed reports of a suspicious activity (or a potential car accident) around 38th between Spruce and Baltimore. Cop cars have swarmed the area. Keep checking back as the details come in.
Update [11:15 p.m.: Eyewitness sources have stated that the potential criminal activity, halted only minutes ago, was the result of a car chase and resulting auto accident in which one of the parties fled the scene on foot.
Update [11:39 p.m.]: We've confirmed that three suspects have been arrested for an armed robbery of a South Philly McDonald's.
(02/11/12 8:45pm)
What better way to celebrate Valentine's Day with that special guy or gal in your life than by bringing a little bit of the Penn community to your February 14th hookup? Depending on what you're going for in the love department, we're here to provide you with some of Penn's top tracks so that you can get right down to business. Please, thank us later.
(02/10/12 7:14pm)
After a two-year hiatus, we’re proud to re-present the seventh installment of Pennetration, UTB’s bedroom diary column, featuring sex, vice and everything nice on our Ivy League campus. Without further adieu, we present the adventures of one brave lady's tale: Karma Is A Drunk Bitch.
(02/06/12 5:45pm)
Tabard and SDT and some other girls made a Vagina Monologues video in preparation for their big shows this Friday and Saturday. The vid's got vaginas in Van Pelt, vaginas in Pottruck, vaginas in an a cappella rehearsal (think "gyn-gyn-gyn" instead of "djinn-djinn-djinn") and even Ken Kweder asking around for a vagina (!). LOL! It's funny because 'vagina' is not a word you usually say in public, but– and get this– they're saying it in public!
But honestly, we're being a bit harsh. Props to VagMons for the best Penn promotional vid we've seen... well, ever.
(02/02/12 7:34pm)
At 7:25 a.m. this morning in Punxsutawney, Pa., Groundhog Phil saw his shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. At 7:25 a.m. this morning in Punxsutawney, Pa., Groundhog Phil saw his shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. (See what we did there?) Well, Dr. Phil isn't the only one who can make predictions. The editors of UTB have joined forces to bring you their own forecasts for the rest of the year.
New sorority biddies will emerge to see the shadows of their former selves that they've left behind.
White Dog Cafe will be the next foodspot to poof, while Beijing will miraculously stay open forever, despite contributing to 14 of the Freshman 15 with just one helping of Lo Mein.
Seniors who have locked themselves away for years in Van Pelt will emerge to see the light of day, also known as Feb Club.
No matter the length of this particular winter, Valentine's Day and St. Patty's will still be a month apart, just enough time for you to hit it and quit it. (Amirite, bro?)
Fraternity pledges will see their shadows in dim-lit basements throughout campus. UA members will avoid being seen in said basements.
Despite heavy insistence and public promises that they wouldn't, everyone will end up seeing The Vow, and then claim that they did so "ironically." (Just like Lana Del Rey's SNL performance.)
Regardless of how many times we yell at Maureen Dowd, our grandmothers will still think we go to Penn State, and they're just so proud of their little Poo Poo Bears.
There will be one new "it''s-the-end-of-the-world-let's-have-tragic-sex!!!" blockbuster made for each day leading up to December, and the last one will showcase John Cusack doing the dirty under the button.
(01/28/12 7:32pm)
Remember when Wine and Spirits on 41st closed? Of course you do. Luckily for all you Quaker tipplers out there, Penn Delivers is here. Now, the delivery service is not exactly new on campus, but we thought it'd be in your (liver's) best interest to remind you of it.
(01/25/12 5:35am)
DP: You and Mark DeRosa represent two of the most accomplished professional athletes in the recent past to graduate from Penn. Are you at all close with Mark? Have you talked to him about making it to the Major Leagues as a former Penn student and Ivy Leaguer? Do you have any thoughts on Mark as a person or as a ballplayer?
(12/26/11 6:02pm)
Fear not! The festivities are far from over. To round off this holiday season, we've got Kwanzaa holding down the fort until New Year's. We'd like to wish all those who celebrate a very warm and bright (Get it, 'cause of the kaandles?) holiday.
(12/21/11 4:36am)
We at UTB would like to wish (at least) 3/4 of our beloved readers a very merry festival of lights, no matter your preferred spelling.
(11/30/11 3:04pm)
As you may know, police downtown emptied out Occupy Philly last night night per Mayor Nutter's orders to begin a long-planned construction project. This did not go particularly smoothly. In an email to members, Occupy Penn says that several Penn students and Penn professor Toorjo Ghose were apparently arrested last night. We're trying to find and confirm details: if you have any information, let us know.
(11/25/11 3:19pm)
Did you actually enjoy your family dinner too much to check Twitter yesterday? Here's our take (and your reactions!) on some generic Penn tweets we know you were itching to compose yourself. Check after the jump for our first use of Storify to aggregate all the "#genericpennthanksgivingtweets."
