*This story appeared in the 2011 Joke Issue.
On Jan. 25, The Daily Pennsylvanian published a wildly successful — and wildly controversial ­­— 2011 State of the Union Drinking Game. We apparently haven’t learned from the backlash we received. Here’s a drinking game to make your daily perusal of the DP a little more exciting.

Take a shot for every typo you find in the paper.

Take a shot for every phallus you see on the front page. Take another if it’s made of snow.

Take a shot every time a student gives a stupid response on “Word on the Walk.” Finish your drink if that student is you.

Take a shot every time we quote Isabel Friedman in a story that has nothing to do with her.

Nurse your drink if Tyler Bernardini has a cold.

Take a shot every time you see an uncomfortably awkward wrestling photo.

Take a shot every time Seth Zweifler uses an anecdotal lede.

Take a shot for every minute theDP.com is down.

Drink a highball every time Alec Webley gives a history lesson.

Take a shot for every article in this joke issue that you thought was real.

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