Cameron Dichter | It starts in the locker room

Real Talk | Trump’s words aren’t an issue because men don’t say them, they’re an issue because they do

By Cameron Dichter 10/16/16 11:34pm

Before Donald Trump’s Access Hollywood tape fades from the news cycle and becomes just another scandal in an election season that’s seen many, I’d like to make one thing clear: Trump’s words are locker room talk. They aren’t just that though. They’re also dorm room talk and chapter house talk. Hell, for some men that’s what gets said over Sunday brunch.

There’s no denying that Trump’s words are dangerous, that they threaten and dehumanize women. But what’s worse is perpetuating the idea that he’s the only one who says them. The idea that men never talk like that — or that, at the very least, they don’t say something similar — completely disregards how prevalent of an issue this is.

I for one will admit that I’m guilty of saying and perpetuating language that objectifies women.

I hate to think of what someone would find if my most shameful moments were put on tape. I know I can’t defend everything I’ve said about women, nor do I want to. And even if my comments aren’t as aggressive as Trump’s, that doesn’t mean my words are excusable, that they don’t feed into the same misogynistic culture that fuels him.

It also doesn’t mean, as many Trump surrogates have argued, that these kinds of comments should get a pass because “all men say them.” Trump’s words aren’t heinous because they’re uncommon; they’re heinous because they are.

Trump’s particular brand of consent, his claim that “when you’re a star, they let you do it,” isn’t something we can write off as a problem that doesn’t include us. The idea that women will “let you do” things by virtue of your status, that consent can be assumed before it’s actually given, isn’t unique to Trump. That kind of thinking permeates our college campuses. It’s why the OZ email was deemed acceptable to send.

But college campuses don’t just experience this problem, they also lead the movement towards ending it. Groups like We Are Watching who have chosen to protest Trump’s Access Hollywood tape and the OZ email are directly combating rape culture by publicizing the issue.

By doing so, they help shift the framework of values that we as a society adhere to and make women’s rights a prominent issue. This can have a powerful effect not just on the perspective of men who might commit acts of sexual violence, but also the women who are victimized by them.

Jessica Leeds is one of the growing number of women who are coming forward with allegations of sexual assault against Donald Trump. The New York Times reported that Leeds “did not complain ... at the time ... because such unwanted advances from men occurred throughout her time in business in the 1970s and early 1980s.” “We accepted it for years,” Leeds said of the conduct. “We were taught it was our fault.”

Hopefully, thanks to the actions taken by groups like We Are Watching, women on college campuses won’t feel like sexual assault is normal or that they should accept it.

There are of course those who will critique this method, who say that protest, and the outrage that ensues, does more to shame, and thereby bury, an underlying culture of misogyny than it does to actually alleviate it.

I don’t deny the possibility that some men might be more motivated to hide their words or actions rather than to actually change them. But the shame that those men feel is a small price to pay for alleviating the shame that is felt by so many victims of sexual assault.

That being said, we should also take into account that real change can’t occur with outrage alone. Large scale protests can bring women’s voices to the forefront and help to change the conversation, but those calls go unanswered when we simply pay lip service to the movement.

The hard part isn’t denouncing rape, or even supporting consent in an abstract sense. What’s hard is seizing on those moments when the culture is more nuanced and the phrasing is less pronounced than Trump’s. This is something I’ve struggled to do with my own language and certainly when I’ve heard it from others.

It’s too easy to excuse what we say as “just words” and dismiss those who critique them as being overly sensitive. Instead, we have to understand that when such language is allowed to go unchallenged it can fester and grow into a culture that normalizes the kind of behavior we’ve seen from our Republican nominee.

Creating a culture of accountability — in which men’s words and actions are challenged rather than taken for granted — is the first step towards ending sexual assaults. And while the women behind We Are Watching have brought our campus closer to making this a reality, such a culture will never be attainable until it breaches those locker room doors.