*This story appeared in the 2011 Joke Issue.
The moment will forever be preserved in the minds of all Penn baseball fans.
Junior pitcher Vince “V for Vendetta” Voiro vaulting himself into senior catcher Will Davis’ arms with tears running down his face.
Voiro had thrown a perfect game.
In Sony’s MLB 11: The Show video game.
Voiro, who earlier spawned a 6-foot-3 righty named Todd Roth in the Create-a-Player mode, used Roth’s overpowering fastball and a mix of off-speed pitches on Saturday night around 2 a.m. in his off-campus apartment to record the first perfect game in Penn baseball history.
“Perfect game-type stuff today,” coach John Cole said in all seriousness. “Located his fastball down. Painted the corners effectively. Really made it look like a video game out there.”
Particularly impressive was the fact that the rubber-armed Voiro attained his perfecto on the tail end of six consecutive games of The Show — he also participated in a home run derby and five exhausting FIFA 2011 soccer matches earlier in the evening.
“I didn’t really feel any fatigue,” Voiro said after tossing out a combined 54 innings in a span of just six hours. “My eyes did start to strain a little bit after a while, and my left foot fell asleep at one point, but my determined resolve was what got me through tonight.
“Plus, it was against the [Pittsburgh] Pirates.”
As per one of baseball’s common superstitions, teammates like Davis and others began to completely ignore Voiro around the fourth inning, so as not to jinx the pitcher’s run at perfection.
“I mean, yeah, we were ignoring him, but that had more to do with the fact that he had been playing video games for like eight hours straight,” Davis said. “It was kind of disturbing, actually.”
Perhaps the million-dollar award Voiro won as part of Sony’s challenge can be put towards finding some new, healthy hobbies, but after splitting the windfall with the virtual Todd Roth, there might only be money for a few items.
“Probably a lot of it will go toward dip, and maybe I’ll buy some of those Fred McGriff videos.”
No matter how unwisely he spends his money, though, he’s already got one fan — basketball coach Jerome Allen.
“I have tremendous respect for The Show franchise, Joe Mauer’s sideburns and the Penn pitching staff,” Allen said. “[Voiro] stayed true to his principles, alternating the B and X buttons effectively and he had a little poise about himself that was very impressive.”
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