*This article appeared in the 2009 joke issue.
Former women's basketball coach Pat Knapp made his final trip to the Palestra March 28 at 2 a.m. to partake in the age-old post-breakup tradition of gathering his belongings. As he walked down 33rd Street toward Spruce, he stumbled upon Relay for Life on Franklin Field. Feeling sentimental about leaving Penn, he meandered over to the field to catch one last glimpse of student life.
That's when his coaching switch instinctively and uncontrollably went off. "That's as fast as you can go?" Knapp yelled to a group of similarly-clad freshman girls walking around the track. "It's not the time for any sterling commentary by me," he said to the giggling slowgoers, "but your performance stinks. I can't give you any other word but it stinks, and I don't like it."
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