*This article appeared in the 2008 Joke Issue.
Some lessons just can't be learned without failing - twice.
At least 75 percent of Wharton freshmen are currently under investigation for cheating on their Operations and Information Management 101 group projects, according to the University's Office of Student Conduct.
About 400 students in the mostly-freshman class handed in their projects last night before the project deadline of 5 p.m. this afternoon, raising suspicion among professors.
The four-part assignment required students to use complex programming to write several hundred pages of computer code involving Visual Basic for Applications and Microsoft Excel. Students usually work all night for several days to finish it on time.
The investigation follows on the heels of another incident just last semester, when about 20 percent of students taking OPIM were suspected of plagiarizing parts of their projects.
It was revealed that several group cases were saved on public computers and accessed by other groups, and that members of certain groups helped those in others. Instructions in both last year's and this year's projects strictly prohibit collaboration between groups.
"I can't believe they would be stupid enough to do it again," OPIM professor Tommy Lee repeated over and over again. "I'm so disenchanted with Wharton, I probably won't quit my day job."
Students were questioned and a program was run over their answers, which pointed to a single group - Wharton students Jay Leno, David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey - that the OSC now suspects is at the center of the case. The OPIM department has not yet contacted any of the members because "we were hoping Oprah would consider including the OPIM textbook as part of her book club," according to Lee.
"This is absurd. End sub," said Wharton freshman "Newby,"? who at the time of the interview hadn't heard about the investigation and was still "doin' numbas" for his project.
"I just don't understand why there's so much foul play when these students are coming up to bat,"?said Lee.
"These kids are learning early on just what it takes to compete in the business world," said Donald Trump, 1968 alumnus, when he learned of the incident. "Anyone who didn't cheat - you're fired."
"This is just the kind of material we'd love to incorporate into our show," he said when he announced that the next season of his reality television show The Apprentice will be filmed in Steinberg-Trump-Deitrich Hall and will feature Wharton students competing for On-Campus Recruiting internships.
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