GUEST COLUMNIST: Why I am looking for an egg donor

Twice in recent weeks The Daily Pennsylvanian featured the story of a sensational egg donor ad that ran in many Ivy League papers, in both an article in the March 5 edition ("Ad offers $50K for Ivy egg donation") and a column in the March 17 paper ("Paying for kids has other costs"). Unfortunately, the coverage of this single sensational ad gives readers a distorted portrait of all infertile couples seeking egg donors. First, infertile couples do not advertise in the DP because we wish to practice "genetic engineering" on our future offspring, as one of the students quoted in the March 5 article charged. We place donor ads in the DP because the paper reaches women ages 21 to 32 -- the required age range for egg donors. Yes, you'll find egg donor ads in the DP and other Ivy League papers. But you'll also find them in the papers of nursing schools and community colleges, in urban and suburban papers, and in local women's magazines. While some infertile couples do look for donors with a particular hair or eye color, it is not because we are "trying to construct a miniature version" of ourselves, as Amanda Bergson-Shilcock writes in her column. The opposite is true. Unlike most women planning a pregnancy, I don't dream of a child who will inherit my smile or my talents. This frees me from the illusions that many parents have about their children following in their footsteps. My goal as a parent is not to find myself in my child but to help my child find his own way in life. If I look for a donor with my hair or eye color, it is simply because I want my child to feel comfortable within his family. Your coverage also included three particularly distorted myths about egg donation. Let me replace these myths with facts: Fact #1: Egg donors are paid for their time and effort, not for their eggs. The DP gave the impression that egg donors are paid for their eggs. They are not. They are compensated for the time and effort they put in over the six-week period that egg donation entails. An egg donor who for some reason produces no eggs is paid for her time and effort the same as any other donor. Furthermore, couples who seek egg donors are not "purchasing children" and offering money "in exchange for a human life." No one has more respect for human life than an infertile couple able to conceive. My own failed pregnancies brought home the lesson that children are a gift from God. I do not look to an egg donor for a baby but for the chance to be blessed with that gift. Fact #2: Egg donation does not cause infertility. A woman is born with thousands more eggs than she will ovulate in her lifetime. The small number of eggs a donor donates does not affect her lifetime supply in the slightest. Your columnist's claim that donors "volunteer for risky surgery" is also unfounded. Egg donation involves no surgical procedure; the eggs are removed under ultrasound guidance. Fact #3: Adoption is not a substitute for egg donation. While adoption is a wonderful way to build a family, it does not do away with the need for egg donation. Some infertile couples with adopted children also attempt to have a child through egg donation. Egg donation enables a couple to parent the husband's biological child and lets them experience pregnancy and childbirth together. In conclusion, a few weeks ago I looked over the egg donor profiles of an infertility program that advertises in the DP. I was moved by the compassionate and generous reasons that donors gave for wanting to donate eggs. A typical answer was: "I felt helpless when my best friend tried for years to conceive. I want to help someone in that situation." Other common responses were: "I have children of my own and couldn't imagine life without them" and "I hope someone would do the same thing for me if I needed this." Readers interested in the facts about egg donation should know that they are not to be found in the hype of the headlines but in these modest sentiments. Egg donation brings desperately wanted and dearly loved children into the world.

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