GUEST COLUMN: Equal rights in the bedroom

According to a biology textbook I used last semester, "The female orgasm is not known to have any importance." This statement is preceded by three pages about the male orgasm. It pisses me off because I think there are a good many million women who think their orgasm is damn important. Female sexuality, and the female orgasm specifically, is one of the least understood physiological phenomena. It is not taught about in sex ed along with STDs, spermicides, and condoms. Our society takes it for granted that people will just figure out the whole orgasm thing for themselves. For men, this seems to work well enough. Most boys masturbate to orgasm once they reach puberty. Many girls masturbate and later enjoy sex, too. But without the "proof" of orgasm, how do they know they are doing it right? And what is "right" anyway? If it feels good, it must be right, right? If that's the case, then why do so many women have trouble reaching orgasm? Cosmopolitan magazine does a better job describing the different ways to reach orgasm than any sex ed class I've ever seen. Those cryptic diagrams of the female anatomy junior high teachers pass out don't do anyone any good. And what about female ejaculation? I was 20 years old before I even knew it existed -- let alone that it is normal and natural for some women. But not all, of course. The few scientists who have bothered to study the female orgasm are baffled because women are not all the same. Some report mysterious G-spot orgasms, others clitoral orgasms. Biologists don't like physiological processes they cannot simplify into standard and predictable steps that are identical for all members of the species. Anyone who has seen a woman reach orgasm knows it is not a standard and predictable process. Too bad we can't be like men. No, a woman's arousal and orgasm is more like a roller coaster ride -- up and down with perhaps a series of loop-the-loops. It is far too complicated for scientists to worry about. And since it is all unnecessary for fertilization, why bother? I'll tell you why bother: there are a lot of confused women out there. I know many women who have trouble identifying their clitoris, let alone reaching orgasm. Our sexual relationships and personal lives suffer because of it. These troubles may sound exaggerated. But for all you men, just imagine if every time you masturbated you were doused with cold water and could never finish, so to speak. Sexuality would be very frustrating and unsatisfying. It is this way for many women. Even women who do enjoy sex sometimes consider the actual intercourse the least interesting part. It is the sexual attention they enjoy -- and men wonder why women like lots of foreplay. Female sexual satisfaction is complicated. No "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" for us. Given the complexity, I think it is a subject deserving of scientific study, and at least as much scrutiny as the male orgasm has received. You may be wondering how to learn more about the female orgasm. Well, you won't find much help in the Biomed Library. You won't find it most sex guides either. These tend to focus on male satisfaction (as if they need help!). Good Vibrations, a female-owned and -operated company, publishes the only true woman-focused manual I've ever seen. This book is nice because it is not specifically geared to women of any particular race, age or sexual orientation. You can borrow it from the FLASH office. But if you are too embarrassed to visit FLASH, or if you want to do further research, your local lesbian bookstore is the place. It's the only place where women's orgasms get more than passing reference among the details about male pleasure. Don't worry, you can shop there even if you are straight; they don't card for gay ID. And if you are a heterosexual truly worried about being mistaken for a lesbian, you can always bring your man along as a research assistant.

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