Michael Gertner: Nicknames are fun, but have limits too

When I was younger, from elementary school all the way through the middle of high school, I memorized a lot of college athletic nicknames.

Loyola-Chicago Ramblers. McNeese State Cowboys. Sam Houston State Bearkats -- with a "k," not a "c."

My obsession with college athletic teams was a result of my favorite hobby -- I would simulate my own college basketball league during the winter season.

I would follow the real NCAA regular-season schedule, but would keep track of wins and losses on my own. I used a number of different methods to make up scores, including dice, a Sony Playstation, and just randomly assigning scores.

The strange thing was, I was never interested in the game itself, or individual players, or statistics. What I really enjoyed were the hundreds of nicknames all associated with the same event on a given night.

I learned that a team's nickname was not necessarily the same as a team's mascot. The University of Tennessee, for example, had a famous mascot of a dog, even though its nickname was the Volunteers.

The last time I successfully completed one of my imaginary seasons was my sophomore year of high school. By this time, I began to realize that no one was calling me by my real first name anymore -- they were using several nicknames.

Most people would call me Gert, Gerty or Gertrude, after my last name. Some would just use "G." I figured the reason was because there were six or seven boys with my first name in my high-school class.

When I reached college, however, the debate over my nickname exploded. Some of the more literary savants at Penn expanded on the famous author Gertrude Stein. This led to a countless number of nicknames for me that I had never even heard before.

What made it ironic was that the real Gertrude Stein had never assumed a nom de plume, despite her well-established career.

As I began covering basketball for the school with one of the most passive nicknames in all of sports, I began to realize that no one really cared about our school's nickname. All of my interest in college nicknames as a youth didn't really translate to the college level.

Our team was better known for its Ivy League titles and its nostalgic home stadium. Some of our players had nicknames and some did not, but it didn't really matter. It was what they did on the court that won them over with fans.

A nickname can help you stand out to a certain extent, but in the end the things you accomplish or the way you interact with people matter much more, no matter what you're called.

And that's coming from someone who has been called a lot of things.

I don't want to say that nicknames are completely overrated. Some of the greatest basketball players of all time, "Pistol" Pete Maravich and Earvin "Magic" Johnson, were better known for their nicknames than their original full name.

But these players also left a lasting impression on their sport before their nicknames became popular. No one would be calling Pete Maravich "Pistol Pete" if he couldn't shoot the ball with deadly accuracy.

Nicknames can be fleeting, since anyone can decide how to use them. Instead, it's better to let others call you what they want and focus on other things.

So I replaced all of the college nicknames I had memorized as a child with more useful information, like how to work in a science lab and how to cook intricate meals.

It worked. I doubt if I could remember half of the nicknames that I used to know as a young kid. And I became a much better lab assistant -- and cook.

At the same time, more and more people have started using my real name instead of any nickname, especially as I enter the adult world.

I guess this means I will have to leave a lasting impression in my field in order to stand out. Who knows, maybe I'll become the next Gertrude Stein.

Michael Gertner is a 2006 College graduate from Bellmore, N.Y.

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