Loophole allows Penn to use Tiger's score
The Penn men's golf team is going to the Ivy League Championship next weekend on a high note.
You may or may not have read yesterday's DP about how they struggled at Princeton, so you are probably (or not) wondering why confidence is so high.
It is because men's golf coach Rob Powelson realized that Tiger Woods only played two years at Stanford, and thus has two years of NCAA eligibility left.
But "hold on," you say, he has made so much money, there is no way that he can compete at the collegiate level.
Enter one of the greatest bargains in Penn golf history.
Woods gave all his money to Powelson's charity foundation, so he has technically never made money professionally.
Then, because of his celebrity, the Ivy League accepted Penn's petition under an obscure league rule that allows past scores on a course to count in extenuating circumstances.
Tiger has two: a blonde Swedish supermodel who insists he stays home next weekend, and the league's continual desire to have no publicity or media coverage of any of its events.
Thus the 62 he shot "oh one time" in Hamburg, N.J., will count for the Quakers this weekend.
Princeton complained, but they still suck.
-- The Briny Deep
Referee suspended for inappropriate conduct
This Ivy League football official, seen over in the photo on the right, was suspended for, well, the picture speaks for itself.
League president Jeff Orleans said that the back judge, who agreed only to be identified as "Random Back Judge" or "Random B.J.," for short was found to be in possession of many compromising pictures of Penn offensive linemen and even one of the team's many kickers.
"Random B.J." was not available last night, although rumors swirled that he could be found at the Theta house.
He did release a statement, that read in part, "I was not in any way associated with illicit behavior. What I was actually doing in the photo at right was applying some of the Cream."
"Basically, I'm really jealous of NFL referee Ed Hochuli, and I want to have guns as big as he does," the statement continued. "Man he has some great muscles, they are so big and bulgy."
Police later announced that they found nude photos of Hochuli as well in "Random B.J."'s house.
This is the second unfortunate incident to strike the Ivy League officiating community in the last month.
Two weeks ago, a baseball umpire was arrested for playing with his sack of balls during the seventh-inning stretch.
-- Marv Albert
