There is a new trend in basketball recruiting, and Penn is getting swept up in it. Athleticism, shooting and even height seem to be taking a backseat this year to perhaps the most obvious need of the Quakers men's basketball team: goonery.
Goonery has always been a trait schools have quietly looked for in recruits, but with this year's actions by Big 5 coach John Chaney, goons have suddenly been exposed as the integral part of college hoops that they are.
Now that the world has seen the truth, college coaches are following Chaney's lead and being more open about their goon-recruiting tactics.
"Chaney's actions freed us all," Penn coach Fran Dunphy said. "I just hope it doesn't hurt the Ivy League talent pool. All the top schools will surely begin to recruit goons more actively now."
The job of a goon, as illustrated by college basketball's most famous goon, Nehemiah Ingram, is simple: Play about five minutes a game and, when called upon, throw your weight around.
"Being able to be open about my goonery is a huge relief," this year's top rated goon, Bruce Crushaguard, said. "Now I can focus on what really matters: working on hard fouls, getting angry and punishing illegal screens."
The Quakers' lack of goons was exposed in their NCAA Tournament loss to Boston College -- a loss in which they were clearly overpowered. This is not due to their inability to recruit goons, but rather due to the unfortunately poor performance shown by their most promising goon recruits of years past.
Last year, Penn became the first Ivy League school in three years to land the top goon recruit in the country when it signed Joe Gill, a promising young thug from Doylestown, Pa. Gill has yet to fulfill his promise however, committing only two personal fouls, and worst of all, never losing his temper, ever.
"It's been a tough first season," Gill said. "I have the playing-at-most-five-minutes-a-game part down. Playing dirty, getting angry for no reason, fouling out at the most inopportune times, these are things I did without even thinking about it in high school. Here at Penn, my anger just seems to end when I step on the court. It's really unfortunate."
When asked if he was afraid of the competition at the college level, Gill's face turned red, and he threw a chair across the room. Clearly, he was angered by the question.
If only that rage could find a place in Gill's game on the court.
"Setting illegal screens, fouling out quickly and at important points in the game and having seemingly little control over your emotions are important aspects of any goon," Dunphy said. "They are extremely hard to recruit for, though. There are unfortunately no official statistics kept on any of these traits."
A four-year goon and former goon recruit, Princeton's Judson Wallace admitted he was surprised by the goontastic play at the college level.
"It's tough being a goon recruit," said the Tigers goon and former top recruit. "Luckily, I was able to keep all the proper aspects of my game in tact. I'm sure Joe will be able to regain his anger and dirty play over time."
College basketball coaches will have to look to adjust to this new trend in recruiting in order to remain competitive. One thing is clear though. Goons are here to stay.
