Fikiel, Tolan NBA-bound

(This article appeared in the 4/5/04 joke issue)The craze for European big men has finally hit West Philadelphia.

Already dealing with the loss of starting center Adam Chubb, the Penn basketball team will also have to face the early defections of two of its reserve seven-footers, Jan Fikiel and Conor Tolan, to the ranks of the NBA. Both players were juniors, making them the first players in program history to declare early.

"I guess I shouldn't be that surprised," Penn coach Fran Dunphy said. "After all, European guys who are tall and can dribble have been going in the lottery. If they can get drafted that high I'd be very happy for them."

A Western Conference NBA scout, who asked not to be named, predicted Fikiel as a late first or early second-round pick and Tolan as a probable late second-round selection. He added that it was possible that Tolan might slip into the ranks of undrafted free agents.

The German-born Fikiel began the season in the starting lineup, but he still averaged 3.2 points per game despite losing his starting spot to freshman Mark Zoller. Tolan, a native of Ireland, averaged 0.0 points in no minutes this season.

Tolan's lack of playing time did not, however, deter him from throwing his hat into the NBA ring.

"Hey, Darko Milicic and that guy for Denver whose name no one can pronounce [Nikoloz Tskitishvili or possibly Earl Boykins] have been in the NBA for a couple of years now, and no one's seen them play except for on some Zupruder film-like stuff that got smuggled out of Eastern Europe for Hubie Brown to ramble on incoherently," Tolan said. "At least I got some exposure on CN8."

The NBA scout noted Tolan's many talents, such as his height and tallness.

Fikiel has more playing experience, which the scout believes will help make his transition to the pros easier.

"It's very rare that a guy who is as tall as he is makes such an extra effort to show off his perimeter game in the Ivy League," the scout said.

Fikiel stated that he would be able to afford significantly more Eintopfessens with his NBA salary. However, Thomas Childers was not available to clear up what that meant.

Dunphy expressed concern at having Nameir Majette as the only center on his roster.

"Maybe I should pull something like Penn Football does, where they dress up a 38-year old and pretend he's 22," Dunphy said, and then started coughing while saying "Mitchell" repeatedly.

Joe, the angry bartender at Smoke's, was the only person on campus as distraught as Dunphy over the loss of Tolan.

"I mean, without him here every night I'm not sure if we're going to be able to stay in business next year," Joe said. "And I will not recognize the winner of Quizzo, so they have to go to another bartender."

That short kid who tried to start a fight with Tolan last Wednesday at Smoke's could not be reached for comment.

Fikiel, meanwhile, leaves behind a devoted group of fans with mixed feelings on their hero's defection.

"Well, we really just want what's best for Jan," said a distraught Brian Walsh, head of the Pennsylvania chapter of Jan's Fans. "While we kind of ditched the T-shirts midway through the season, we were always wearing them in our hearts."

While Fikiel might be the superior pro prospect, Tolan seems to have a higher cultural impact. Right now, there are no NBA players who are Irish, leaving the league anxious for a player who can win that all-important market.

"Irish people tend to be short and not terribly sober, and it's hard to play like that," said New York Knicks player Vin Baker, who plays power forward, Tolan's projected position. "They made a good decision as a people to invest all their extra height in one person."

The NBA Draft will be held in June at New York's Theater at Madison Square Garden.

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