Ivy Roundup Really Lite: The Final Game Edition

We here at Roundup are pretty damn bored. We won?blah, blah, blah. Cornell lost?blah, blah, blah. Princeton?won? That's an oxymoron if we've ever heard one. Blah, blah, blah. But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? Is it the east, and Juliet is the sun? No. It's Chad Levitt, and broken is his arm? "Sisters" Aspirant of the Week Alas, poor Levitt! We knew him not. (Who'd want to, he goes to SUNY-Ithaca.) This not so Big Red running back broke his arm, and can't play on Saturday. Too bad, Chad. Now you can't break Ed Marinaro's record of 4,715 rushing yards. But don't fret, Chet. We here at Roundup have a suggestion for you. Since you couldn't follow the footsteps of Marinara Sauce on the gridiron, why don't you follow them into the Hollywood spotlight? We hear there's talk of news series called "Sisters. The Next Generation." And if you hurry, there might be a spot left just for you. And while you're out there in Tinseltown, we also hear that Pamela Anderson-Lee is looking for a new husband. Maybe you could be her chauffeur. Just watch out for those suspension bridges. "The Game" of the Week This coming Saturday marks the ultimate annual rivalry between two Ivy League schools -- Yale and Harvard. What do these two fine universities have to say for themselves? "I think this year's game is different than past years," Yale Daily Herald sports editor Mohamadi, Ali said. "Forget about stats and records, Carm Cozza, [our head coach] is retiring. If Yale can't get excited, then Yale shouldn't win." Harvard's response? "We're gonna win," Harvard Crimson sports writer Matt Howitt said. And the Carm Cozza factor? "It was his last home game last week, and they lost. What's your point?" the football beat writer added. That's a good question, Matt. What is our point? Maybe it's that Yale and Harvard are playing for, uh-hum, let us clear our throats here for this important announcement: Yale and Harvard are vying for, oh, the suspense is killing us, they're killing each other for?last place. Yes, you read that right. Last place. These two traditional Ivy teams are battling on Saturday in "The Game" to avoid being named numero ocho in the final Ivy football standings. So is anyone going to show up? Well, Yale is shuttling busloads of students up to Cambridge. And the big H? "Most of them will show up, I think," Howitt said. "There is a certain part of the student population that doesn't give a damn, but its a good time. You fool around, get drunk, eat a lot. What more could you ask for on a Saturday afternoon?" A big W. Solution of the Week We here at Roundup have solved the mystery of who wrote the "Penn" on Princeton's field last week. If you don't know what we're talking about then you suck. We were on to a lead when we started to interrogate some fraternities. What to know which one did it? It's?Yeah, like we'd tell you. Try bribing us.