Ivy Roundup: Can You Spell P-E-N-N? Edition

We here at Ivy Roundup got an extra treat while we watched Penn's victory -- repeat VICTORY -- over, what's that team's name again? Oh yeah, Princeton. But we digress. Anyway, we here at Roundup got an extra treat at Saturday's game. While we joyously watched our Quakers annihilate the Tigers (oh yeah, that's a good mascot) at decrepit Palmer Stadium, we also had something else to joyously stare at in between plays. And no, it wasn't just the scoreboard. Would we waste our time with a dumb joke like that? We've decided that a first-hand account of the events would best explain the situation. Roundup editor: I was sitting in the press box in the first quarter, paying attention to my watered-down hot chocolate (because the game was so-o-o-o-o-o boring) when I noticed letters etched into the playing field. P-E-N-N. "Hmm," I thought -- Penn. It spells Penn. In 10-yard wide letters. And why wouldn't it? Penn did own the field that day? Investigation Of The Week We here at Roundup decided to hire a private eye. But we didn't have any money. So we decided to investigate the phenomenon ourselves. Who wrote those letters? How did they know that Penn was going to win? (Maybe we could use them for Swamis.) Well, okay, we all knew that Penn was going to win, but maybe whoever branded the field also knows the outcome of other games. First suspect -- Jerry Price, Penn graduate and manager of sports media relations for the Pussycats. "I did it," Price said. Yeah, right. He wishes. The only valuable information we got from him was that the "Penn" first appeared on the Wednesday before the game. What did our brilliant Sherlock minds conclude from that information? Not much. Except the "Penn" creator had to either (a) have a car or (b) reside at Princeton. We took a crack at option (b). Princeton Suspects of the Week We started with the assumption that the entire Princeton community had the motive to brand the "Penn." They're from Princeton, aren't they? What more do you need to lash out at your own school? After much poking and prodding (they liked that part), we finally zeroed it down to three different students. Coincidentally (or maybe not), they were all members of the football team. Football player suspect No. 1 -- Damani Leech, a defensive back (again, the prodding). "I didn't know anything about that," he claimed. Uh-huh. We'll just see about that. Football player suspect No. 2 -- Dale Bartley. "No. Uh-uh," he snidely mumbled. We think we're on to something here. Football player suspect No. 3 -- Ben Mulinix -- special teams. After all, they don't call it special teams for nothing. Wink, wink. "I didn't see it at the game, but I did notice it at practice on Tuesday," he volunteered. Is it just us, or does his "story" just not add up? "I haven't [otherwise] heard anything about it," he quickly added when we pressed him for more details. Hmmm. No solid leads, but we're not through yet. Possible Penn Heroes of the Week Still suspicious of those sneaky Princeton football players, we here at Roundup decided to turn back to possibility (a) -- the "Penn" creator is someone with access to a car. Narrowing it down to a few people was difficult because everyone we interviewed jumped at the chance to be the Hero of the Week. However, using reverse psychology, we managed to squeeze some information out of three Greek institutions. Hero of the Week contenders No. 1 -- Sigma Chi. "I don't know anything about this. I didn't go to the game. I have bronchitis," senior brother Kevin Gifford said. Say no more, we get your secret message. Hero of the Week contenders No. 2 -- Fiji. "I have no idea what you're talking about," sophomore brother Jason Rogers said. We got you. You're coming in loud and clear. Hero of the Week contenders No. 3 -- Theta? "I heard about it. I have no idea how it got there. I heard it was funny," the Lund said. Nice try girls, but we don't think so. So after much research, we here at Roundup have no conclusions about the "Penn" phenomenon. It was probably us just sleepwalking again. When you're as dedicated as we are, these things just happen. Sucker Punch of the Week On November 6, Boston College basketball player Danya Abrams, Big East pre-season player of the year and All-American candidate, was sucker-punched by some loser on the Converse All-Star team. Now, the Converse All-Star team is coming to the Palestra. Who will they sucker-punch next? Tim Krug? Oh, that's right, he'll be playing for them.