DP Swamis: Friday, October 25, 1996

The 45-year tradition of pigskin prognostication.The 45-year tradition of pigskin prognostication.The quotes are real. So are the turbans. So what's a Swami to do without football to occupy his or her time? Well, we decided to take a quick whirl around West Philly on our carpets looking for some action. We flew out of the Pink Palace and headed down to Locust Walk to mingle with our less-gifted classmates. What does the average Penn student do for fun? Since we Swamis are anything but average, we didn't know. While soaring above campus (so as to avoid stray bullets), we noticed airplanes circling around Steiny-D. We looked down, and, sure enough, there were bright white runway lights right on Locust Walk. Deciding to land, we lowered our altitude only to find that our runway light was just the sun shining off Dick Vitale's head. Dicky V wasn't all that impressed with our carpets, but he could use a rug, baby. The Awesome One wasn't here to discuss our last-place football team, but rather our back-to-back-to-back Ivy League championship men's basketball program and our less successful but no less important (hey, we Swamis are big on gender equity!) women's basketball program. That got us thinking -- is it ever too early to begin thinking about hoops? Of course not. So we began talking to ESPN's PTPer about the state of Ivy League basketball. "This year, in my magazine, the Dick Vitale Yearbook, which I hope you go out and buy and all the Penn students go out and buy, I have Penn rated No. 1 in our magazine," the Dicky Dandy said. Now, we Swamis normally frown upon our guest Swamis using this precious space to plug their projects, but in this case we let it slide. Of course, had Dicky V picked Princeton? well, let's just Billy Packer would be getting his shot at glory. Our little chat with Dick invariably led to a discussion of "the game of life." Since we Swamis have never claimed to know it all -- we just know everything about the important stuff (football, mysticism and where to find a really cheap cheesesteak) -- we listened carefully to our wise guru. "If you believe you're mediocre, you will be mediocre. If you believe in the word 'can't', nothing good's going to happy in your life," Dicky V said very loudly. "If you have dreams, goals and desires, a lot of beautiful things can happen." You know, Dicky V is right. Never say never. Just because our Quakers are 2-3, why can't they finish 7-3? Penn can beat Brown. No, Penn will beat Brown -- just like Dicky V predicts. "How can I pick against Penn when I'm on your campus?" he asked. "I'm not that dumb." No, Dick, you're not dumb. You're awesome, baby!