COLUMN: Read it, hate it, share it

From Tom Nessinger's, "Inseparable My Nose and Thumb," Fall '96 From Tom Nessinger's, "Inseparable My Nose and Thumb," Fall '96Recipients of a sexist e-mail messageFrom Tom Nessinger's, "Inseparable My Nose and Thumb," Fall '96Recipients of a sexist e-mail messageperpetuated its misogyny by forwardingFrom Tom Nessinger's, "Inseparable My Nose and Thumb," Fall '96Recipients of a sexist e-mail messageperpetuated its misogyny by forwardingit to friends - even though they wereFrom Tom Nessinger's, "Inseparable My Nose and Thumb," Fall '96Recipients of a sexist e-mail messageperpetuated its misogyny by forwardingit to friends - even though they weretrying to prove their own sensitivity. From Tom Nessinger's, "Inseparable My Nose and Thumb," Fall '96Recipients of a sexist e-mail messageperpetuated its misogyny by forwardingit to friends - even though they weretrying to prove their own sensitivity.There's an old joke about the cognitively challenged individual who walks up to a friend, cupping a pile of dog doo in his hands. "Hey," he exclaims, "Look what I almost stepped in!" Well, I found the real-life cyberspace equivalent of that joke in the form of an e-mail message on my screen at Annenberg, under the provocative heading, "READ THIS SHIT!" For reasons that will become apparent, I decline to repeat any of the 75 reasons they listed. Suffice it to say that the list was (literally) sophomoric, offensive, and misogynistic. Worse, it was free of anything resembling cleverness or wit. It would amuse only someone who thinks "offensive" automatically and in all cases equals "uproarious." In other words, anyone who enjoys the stand-up comedy of Andrew Dice Clay. So yuk-free was this list, in fact, that it became quickly obvious that its intent was not to amuse, only to enrage. This impression was bolstered by the fact that one of the authors styled himself as "The Deion Sanders of Sexism." So, check me on this, but I'm thinking that the Ithaca Round Table was trying to offend, rather than entertain or inform. No, what interested me more was the fifteen screens that preceded "this shit." Apparently, this list has passed through more college students' hands than a bong. It seems that half the college population of the eastern seaboard read this message and passed it down the line, often with comments suggesting possible action ("Let's e-mail their dean..." or "Let's flame these bozos..."), or else proving how feminist the (usually male) sender was ("To My Gorgeous Strong Woman...isn't this just awful?"). (Note to myself: this is why you don't get more dates -- you keep forgetting to tell women how strong they are...) Well. Nothing surprises me any more, so I guess I should've figured that there would be an infantry division full of PC crusaders out there who thought it was their Duty As Right-Thinking Americans to "expose" this dreck. What might surprise a less cynical soul than I is that none of these missionaries ever stopped to consider that exposure was JUST WHAT THE AUTHORS WANTED! The folks who forwarded this drivel got these jerks more coverage than they could've gotten buying time during a Melrose Place meets Friends cross-over episode. What possible good could come from spreading this stuff around the Internet? To show that sexism still exists? Anyone who thinks sexism has been eradicated like smallpox has the IQ of Formica, and therefore can't work a computer anyway. To get other people to flame the writers? Oh yeah, they'd NEVER expect that! Face it, kids... even as you read this, Bluto and D-Day and Flounder and the rest of the frat boys in Ithaca are busy wallpapering the Delta House chapter room with all the flames they're getting from their childish little prank. What's most irritating is that Neon Deion and the rest of the microcephalics (read: pinheads) who compiled this list knew exactly what they were doing. They knew that the politically correct have a natural tendency not only to go out of their way to be bothered by crap like this, but also to share it with all of their friends so they can impress each other with how bothered they are. The authors knew they could exploit this self-righteous reflex. And the PC crowd sure didn't disappoint 'em this time. Well, I'm going to make the same suggestion that your mom did when your little brother and his friends used to stand in your room singing Led Zeppelin's "Black Dog" at the top of their lungs: ignore them. You don't have to be a rocket scientist like Stephen Hawking to know that sometimes people do things for no other reason than to annoy you, and if you let them know you're annoyed, they win. This time they won. To all you PC types whose hobby it is to demonstrate just how sensitive you are, do yourselves and the rest of us a favor. Next time you come across "some shit" on the Internet, don't be so all-fired quick to play Western Union for the needle-noggins who dumped it there. Don't come running up to us with the pile of crap in your hands. We know it's disgusting. You don't get any points for shoving it in our faces.