COLUMN: Fruitless Philosophy

Stop. Before reading any further, I would like to take this time to inform you that what you are about to read will not be your usual, rant/rave, complaint/compliment, weekly column. No sir, not this week. This week you will be reading a column without an agenda. This column will be an enlightening excursion into the world of, what I like to call, "fruitless philosophy." What do I mean by this concept? Rather than boring you with a long-winded definition, I'll just let you read it and see for yourself... Since time immemorial, people have been searching for the "meaning of life." They wonder what the world would be like if the concept of God never existed, or if suffering was never present in the world. Truly, the world would be vastly different from the world of today if any of these thoughts were to become a reality. However, how different would the world be if a minor detail in the laws of life were altered? For instance, how different would the world be if wisdom teeth really did only appear when you had reached a certain "knowledge threshold?" Think about it. Employers would not only ask for your resume, but for your dental records as well. In many cultures, the arrival of wisdom teeth may serve as the "rites of passage" for children hoping to become adults. The National Enquirer may have headlines that read, "Brainchild Baby Gets Wisdom Teeth at Two!" And what if these teeth not only signified the acquisition of wisdom, but actually stored it as well? Dentists would find themselves with a new responsibility. They would not only be entrusted with the task of caring for the instruments of mastication but with the task of preserving your wisdom. Who knows? They might even be able to transplant wisdom from a dying donor patient to a recipient. If this were so, would such a thing as "Wisdom Banks" exist? Wisdom Banks would work like sperm banks. A person seeking more knowledge would simply walk into a wisdom bank and walk out decades wiser. Why, the people would even choose what kind of wisdom they would like. They may prefer the profound spiritual wisdom of a Tibetan monk who lived high in the Himalayas or the practical, streetwise wisdom of a traveling merchant in New York City. And what about the elderly who may lose their wisdom teeth as a result of aging? Would the clichZ "wise old sage" ever exist? And what if hair were more than just a lifeless collection of protein? What if hair could be reabsorbed into the body when the body needed nourishment? The scenario could be likened to that of a camel and its hump. Instead of fat deposits, you could store extra nutrients and energy in your hair. And whenever your body needed more energy, it would simply retract your hair from the root and digest it. What kind of impact would this have on society? Would having long hair carry the same negative connotations as being fat does in today's culture? Bald people may be considered emaciated. To save money, college students may even gorge themselves on home cooked meals all summer and not eat anything while away at their expensive institution. Barbers would be considered to be cosmetic surgeons. Shampoos would take on an entirely new importance. General Mills and Vidal Sassoon may even come out with a "TOTAL for Your Hair," a product which, when used correctly, could supply you with a 100% of the USRDA of nutrients and minerals. What is the point of all of this fruitless philosophy? To look at the world from a different perspective. We grow up in a world of givens. It is a given that gravity exists. It is a given that there are two human genders. It is a given that we perceive in three dimensions. Have you ever pondered what it would be like if just one of these givens were altered? Can you imagine a world completely different from the one we live in? It is simply amazing how transformed our world could be if even a minute detail were adjusted, let alone gravity, genders, and perception. My point is that all too often we take the act of creation for granted. As if it were the only way things could and should be. Rarely do we pause from our busy lives to appreciate the structure of the universe we live in and the life we are granted. I hope that this column has been enjoyable and enlightening for you as it has been for me to write. All I ask is that you continue to remain awestruck by the concept of "life on earth," and to welcome the ocassional urge to practice fruitless philosophy.