From Shawn Klein's "Jedi Mind Tricks," Fall '95 From Shawn Klein's "Jedi Mind Tricks," Fall '95The school year is winding down. I'm getting a bit sentimental. But I'll save that for my very last column. For now, I've other business to attend. I am a monster fan of pop culture. I love it as others might love trash scavenging for artistic purposes. So do most of you. This massive media webnet we've created encompasses and pervades us all. (It is the metaphorical equivalent of the real-world George Lucasian Force -- which I have happily been able to tap into of late.) Vivid imagery, great one-liners and catchy sing-songs are defined and refined along lines of trend, all in an effort to keep those with a nano-attention span from losing interest. They have rightfully taken the place of our parents, friends and religion in guiding us to who we are now. Unfortunately, the pop-continuum is subject to spots of fluctuating abuse and plummetings in taste. And as we all love some parts more than others, what one person prefers can be the only reliable fingerprint for an individual in these days of focus groups, target mailings and pinpoint demography. Just as a bear urinates on a tree to demarcate his territory, so too must I delineate my portion of our shared domain. This could, after all, be my last chance to define myself in any useful and comprehensive fashion as a columnist in the DP. If you are to know who I am, then you must know what I stand behind. Here goes: (Oh, and please excuse the time scew toward the more recent. One of the pleasantries of pop is how, with a small passage of time, it all dissolves together to become a delightful, unintelligible morass.) ·Best cartoons growing-up: Jabberjaw; Laff-O-Lympics; Scooby-Doo (pre-Scrappy-Doo); Ricochet Rabbit; The Shmoo; Captain Caveman; The Herculoids; Magilla Gorilla; Danger Mouse; Transformers (pre-movie); and of course Woody, Bugs and Tom & Jerry. ·Best original song in a commercial: NestlZ's Alpine White (NestlZ makes the very best, N-E-S-T-L-E-S); Diet Pepsi (Diet Pepsi, Just one calorie. Now you see it, now you don't. That great Pepsi taste, Diet Pepsi won't go to your waist?) ·Worst commercial campaigns in our lifetime: Wrigley's "Pure Chewing Satisfaction"; any from Toyota, particularly the "Did somebody say 'Deal'?" (which prompted me to write the company saying that I was considering purchasing a Toyota but that I chose not to because I hate the commercial so much); Mentos' "The Fresh Maker" (But not if they're meant to be so cheesy, if they are --and it is definitely arguable -- then they're great); McDonald's "Herb" commercials. ·Best characters from movies: Bud, from Just One of the Guys; Chris Knight from Real Genius; Tank Girl (Still in theaters. See it. She was cool.); Johnny Jacobs from Airplane!; Biff from Back to the Future; Axel Foley; Ferris Beuller; Jeff Spicoli; Quint from Jaws; Veruca Salt; John Bender; Dudley "Boogar" Dawson; Gordon Gekko; Navin Johnson; Clark Griswald; Hudson from Aliens; Otto from A Fish Called Wanda. ·Worst kids' shows: Small Wonder; Double Trouble; Double Dare; Kids Incorporated; Out of this World; and, of course, Saved By the Bell. ·Best games: Mouse Trap; Hungry, Hungry, Hippos; Risk; Uno; Sorry!; Connect Four; Battleship (so easy to cheat); Don't Tip the Waiter; Crossbows & Catapults, Dark Tower. Best/Worst game shows: Joker's Wild; Bullseye; Tic-Tac-Dough; Bumper Stumpers; Sale of the Century; $25,000 Pyramid; Hollywood Squares (with Jim J. Bullock in the upper left hand square). ·Best arcade games: Ms. Pacman, Millipede, Joust, Track & Field, Karate Champ, Punch Out, Pole Position, Spy Hunter, Galaga,Q-bert, NBA Jam, and that hockey table in a bubble which was USA vs. USSR and you had that "boo" button; Ka-Boom! on Atari. ·Best hours of stand-up: Robin Williams, At the Met; Eddie Murphy, Delirious. ·Worst stand-ups: Richard Belzer; Martin Lawrence; Kevin Meaney. ·Worst fashion fads: Benetton rugby shirts (with the blue stripe on a white base); those thin black rubber bracelets; acid-washed jeans; banana clips; parachute pants; bajas; Z. Cavaricci; wearing your collar up; shirts with the Izod alligator. ·Best professional wrestlers: Tommy "Wildfire" Rich; Buzz "Maddog" Sawyer (who has killed himself); George "The Animal" Steele; Don Moraco; Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka; The Road Warriors; The Freebirds; Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff; "Rowdy" Roddy Piper; Jesse "The Body" Ventura; Vader. ·Worst professional wrestlers: Cowboy Bob Orton; Ted Debiase; Jose Luis Rivera; Iron Sheik; Playboy Buddy Rose; Harley Race; Arn Anderson; "Iron" Mike Sharpe; Renee Goulet; Lanny Poffo; S.D. "Special Delivery" Jones; The Great Kabuki; Lawrence Taylor. ·Best night of TV: Thursday night's NBC from 8 until 10. The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Cheers, Night Court. ·Some great movie quotes: "That was a very expensive vase, you bitch." -- Vera Prescott, The Secret of My Success; "You must go now quickly. If they find out you've seen this, your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory." -- Dr. Paul Fremmond, Top Secret; "Forget it, Ming. Dale's with me." -- Flash Gordon, Flash Gordon; "I hate you more. If hate were people, I'd be China." -- Phil Berquist, City Slickers; "A little nonsense now and then, relished by the wisest men." -- Willie Wonka, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
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