Yale coach suing rapper for identity theft

Note: This post was written for the DP's annual joke issue.

Rapper Jim Jones says he's "Ballin'", but Yale men's basketball coach James Jones claims he's just "Frontin'"

With the immensely popular song We Fly High Jim Jones, who's legal name is Brewster Stanislaw, has reaped millions, and James claims that he is the one that deserves the credit and cash, and is suing "Jim" Jones for identity theft.

The coach, who led the Elis to their first Ivy League title (a share in 2002), says he met the rapper five years ago because James was friends with Jim's father, an engineering professor at Yale.

Jim, a struggling young rapper, didn't want to openly admit to being a wealthy 20-year-old from northern Connecticut, so he, according to James (a New York native), stole the identity of the successful Ivy coach.

"His lyrics were so dreadful I at first didn't care," James Jones said. "But once he started to pretend he was ballin' like I am, I knew he'd gone too far. He came to a practice one time and overheard me explaining to Eric [Flato] and our athletic swingman Casey [Hughes] how high our team was flying above the others in the Ivy League. That's where the phrase came from."

James says he will sue for "$10 million from the settlement, including a Bentley ridin' on 22s," as well as full services from Jim's main ho, Kristal.

Jim Jones could not be reached for comment, but friend and rapper Juelz Santana (aka Tristan X Nadal) defended Jones. "I've known Jim Jones for-DIP SET!-nine years now, and-Ay!-Ay!-Ay!-he's always been ballin'."

Penn assistant coach Chris Sparks had a mutual connection to a well-known rapper, but the two have since parted ways. For the album "Deliverance by Bubba Sparxxx, the current Penn coach produced and wrote eight of the songs, including the title track, and "Back in the Mudd." But money disputes broke the two up, and Sparxxx's material has been lackluster since.

Penn head coach Glen has no relation to the "Glenn Miller Band" but former Penn assistant coach Shawn Trice is the older brother of local rap artist Obie Trice.