Photo by Zepfanman.com / CC BY 2.0
Clarissa needs to stop.
The first time she did it was OK. We talked about it, smoothed everything over, and it was all good. The second time, I got a little annoyed, but I was sure it was an honest mistake. However, when my dad visited and opened the dishwasher for a fork but instead saw Adam & Eve brand “Fifty Shades of Grey Darker At My Mercy Chained Nipple Clamps,” I lost it.
I am all about sex positivity: I’m not a judgmental person. I even dabble in some risqué activity myself, but things are getting out of control.
It’s not just the nipple clamps. I saw a strap-on harness in the wash, and while I really do like her boyfriend Matt, I don’t want to know his bedroom preferences. Again, it’s not like I’m a prude or anything. I once bought my one friend a Spencer’s vibrator as a gag gift. I’ve been inside sex stores.
Clarissa is just very open about her sex habits, and she does nothing to cover anything up. Last week I saw blood on the counter top by the dishwasher, and I know it’s not from a steak—Clarissa’s a vegan. Where was the blood from, Clarissa? Please tell me. I’m concerned.
I really don’t want to be that roommate who's a control freak about shared spaces. I get that you need to wash your items and do-dads. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, at the very least, please remove the sex swing from the living room.