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Satire  Published 10/17/17 5:10am

Roommate Too Busy to Wash Dishes but Still Has Time to Fuck That Guy 2.5 Times a Day

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Photo from: MaxPixel / CC0


According to her roommate, Taylor Otto (C '20), Rachel Greenfield (E '20) is seriously the worst. Taylor had totally thought they were going to be best friends after spending 80 minutes together during NSO, but boy was she wrong. Rachel doesn't really take out the trash that often. Taylor is pretty sure that Rachel hasn't filled up the Brita filter once this semester. Some weekends Rachel does this thing where she comes home drunk and pukes in the sink, even though the toilet is right there! Worst of all? Rachel never does her dishes.

Whenever Taylor sends Rach a not-too-passive-aggressive-sounding text asking why dishes have been in the sink for 13 days, Rachel always explains how busy she is: "I'm so sorry, I'll get around to it as soon as I have any free time!"

Rachel explained why she never even has 10 minutes, which is pretty reasonable, to do her dishes. "Honestly, I'm always running late to some class or important meeting right after I eat, so I never have time to wash my dishes!" said Rachel, who always makes time for multiple rounds of sexual intercourse with this one guy she's been seeing (and it's loud, too).

"I'm just, like, so busy with school and stuff, you know? Look, I promise, I'll get around to them this weekend when I don't have all these.. uh, midterms," she offered. "Now, is it cool if you leave? I have a... friend coming over, and I need time to Febreeze the shit out of my room."

At least the story has a happy ending. After an emotionally charged emoji conversation with Taylor, Rachel made the move to paper plates. Now if only she'd start taking out the trash.

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