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Satire  Published 04/25/18 12:33pm

Glow Up: Former High School NHS President Makes it to 9 A.M. On Time for the First Time in Months

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Photo from Pxhere / CC BY 2.0 


College freshman Carmen Lieberman used to be quite the overachiever in high school. With the titles of NHS president, class treasurer, FBLA regional vice president, and honorary teacher’s pet under her belt, Lieberman came into Penn confident and ready to tackle both academic and extracurricular challenges.

Her enthusiasm manifested at the beginning of the year through joining several on-campus clubs (including a board position in the Penn Republican Society) and even working at an early-morning job. By the end of the second semester, however, Lieberman has been hit with “an overwhelming feeling of existential dread and a desire to aggressively juul anywhere and everywhere.”

On top of literally never having gone to her 7 a.m. job this entire semester, Lieberman has managed to skip her 9 a.m. lecture, where attendance is 10% of the grade, every day since the first week of school. “I really overestimated my ability to wake up before 1 p.m.,” she stated in an interview.

Monday was the first day in months that she’s made it on time to her lecture. Even the professor was shocked when she walked in the door. Lieberman has already missed a midterm exam due to oversleeping (it was at 3 p.m., but she still missed it), but hopes to “finish this semester strong.”

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