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Satire  Published 07/03/17 2:04pm

​Student Currently Waking up at 7 AM for Work to Sleep Through All of His 9 AMs Next Semester

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If you haven’t yet seen his 38 Facebook updates, Brian Abrams (C ’19) has an internship this summer.

As Abrams will tell you immediately, working 40 hours a week in consulting is tough work. All day, you have to, you know…. consult about stuff. It’s hard. And the worst part is, you have to get up at 7 AM to get to work on time.

“Yeah, waking up at 7 in the morning sucks. But it's not the school year, so I actually have motivation to get out of bed,” Abrams explained. “If I get fired from this internship at my dad’s company, my life is ruined. Without nepotism, I have no future.”

“Maybe I’ll be able to keep waking up early next semester since I’m already used to it,” Abrams considered. “Actually, probably not. I’m going to be way too hungover on Thursdays for that to happen.

“Anyways, what’s the worst that can happen if I miss all my 9 AMs? I can still be successful even if I fail all my classes, since my parents have so much money. Come on, if Lorenzo Bonfiglio can get a stable job in New York, so can I."

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