About

Satire  Published 04/14/18 10:43am

Fling Alternatives: Come Listen to Fall Out Boy in Warwick 107 Tonight at 8

2105888877_40d214fe10_o

Photo by elisasizzle / CC BY-SA 2.0


Penn may have moved fling out of the quad, but College freshman David Koenig is moving fling right back in. Riepe residents woke up Friday morning to find their hall plastered with fliers inviting them to the biggest on-campus event of the weekend: drinking Banker’s in Koenig’s double and listening to Fall Out Boy.

Koenig’s roommate moved out in November because the dorm was allegedly “too lit,” so there’s plenty of space for the entire student body. He has two desk chairs, five square feet of floor space, a sink that has never been barfed in, and Koenig is ready to host the event of the season.

UTB sent a reporter to Warwick to speak with Koenig and check out the space, who reports being “very impressed” by the setup. In preparation for the event, Koenig has strung up Christmas lights with less than one quarter of the bulbs burnt out. His roommate’s desk has been repurposed into a bar covered with half-empty handles that Koenig’s been tirelessly stealing from frats for weeks, and Koenig assured us that there will not be an alcohol monitor, and his RA is “super chill.”

UTB got a sneak peek at the playlist for the event and, although she cannot divulge all the details, guarantees that “if people like The All-American Rejects, they’ll probably like this too.” The playlist is rumored to contain Thnks fr th Mmrs three times, including one radio edit, and there might even be a cameo appearance from My Chemical Romance. Koenig is still working on securing live music, but he promises that he’ll upgrade to Spotify Premium if Fall Out Boy never responds to his messages.

Everything is shaping up for this to be the biggest party of the year.

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.