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Satire  Published 11/09/17 11:48pm

Students Now Able to Open PennInTouch in Two Tabs

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Photo by Joy Lee / The Daily Pennsylvanian


This past Tuesday, the University of Pennsylvania Information Systems and Computing department implemented a wave of new updates to student web portal PennInTouch. The changes came without warning and were the cause of a site-wide shutdown that lasted for two weeks.

A spokesperson for the Information Systems and Computing department revealed these changes in a campus-wide email.

“We are extremely proud to announce that PennInTouch has received a massive overhaul—ISC's largest venture since branded condoms—improving its accessibility and usability for all students," the email read. "Some of the changes are as follows:

  • Up to 25 users can now access the site at once, an upgrade from 12 before the update.
  • Users can now open PennInTouch in two tabs at once. If they open more than two, however, they will be automatically logged off.
  • Easter eggs have been added to the site. Each of these hidden features will redirect your page to a different 'Potter Puppet Pals' video on YouTube.
  • An instant messaging platform has replaced the maintenance request system. Now you can chat with your friends instead!
  • Usher’s ‘DJ Got Us Fallin’ in Love’ ft. Pitbull now automatically plays on every page of the website.”

Some have speculated that these site changes were in response to criticisms from student organization "Students Against PennInTouch" (SAP). SAP spokesperson and College junior Jasmine Farges said she is pleased with the department’s actions. “This update is exactly the type of change for which SAP was advocating,” she said. “There is no record of PennInTouch ever being tweaked since it was first created. Now we can listen to Usher and be able to register for courses without the site crashing!”

However, not all students are as enthusiastic about the PennInTouch rework.

“I really don’t like how they made ‘DJ Got Us Fallin’ in Love’ featuring Pitbull play automatically,” one anonymous student said. “What if we don’t want to listen to ‘DJ Got Us Fallin’ in Love’ featuring Pitbull? What if we want to listen to ‘Love in this Club’ featuring Young Jeezy instead? What are we supposed to do then? Also, how do we stop it from playing in two tabs at once?”

Despite the mixed responses, the updates seem to be here to stay. 

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