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Satire  Published 02/16/17 1:26pm

UTB Reviews: Penn InTouch Condoms

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/ The Daily Pennsylvanian


When the Class of 2019 got word via a Class Board email that Penn InTouch-themed condoms would be distributed on Locust Walk Thursday, many students were aroused by the mere idea. We at Under The Button got pretty excited as well, and decided to put the latex portals to the test. What better way to get InTouch with our student bodies than by doing the deed Quaker-style?

The first thing we noticed about the device was that it had some serious capacity issues. When several testers tried to use it at once, the whole thing completely broke. It simply could not handle a large user load. Right when we needed that condom most, it left us with Red and Blue-balls.

Once traffic calmed down, however, things were mostly smooth-sailing. A few testers had trouble getting in on the first attempt and had to re-enter their “credentials.” Luckily, the packaging provided some friendly pointers (“Is [caps lock] on?”) and everyone was finally able to get it on the second or third go-around.

Inside, it was a difficult to navigate. But after some repeated use and a bit of trial and error, the testers eventually learned their way around. While only a few of the added features were actually useful, the apparatus generally did the trick. What they say is true: The most important element of academic planning is successful family planning.

All in all, we felt that the product was poorly designed, generally unreliable, and not terribly user-friendly. If given the choice, we wouldn’t Penn InTouch this condom with a ten-foot pole.

 

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