/ Public Domain
People often deride Penn’s hookup culture for being toxic and degrading towards women. Nevertheless, one courageous sophomore is looking to break the mold. With more and more millennials eschewing relationships in favor of dating apps like Tinder or sending blind shots in the dark to meet their next fling, Bruce Painter (C’ 20) is embracing his place as a modern day Casanova by taking a Gender Studies class to get with girls. Incredible!
When he’d first seen GSWS 096: Theories of Gender and Sexuality on a list of classes that double count for requirements, Bruce had some reservations. He’d already picked up a pretty complete worldview thanks to Reddit, Barstool Sports, and the Wall Street Journal so he doubted that the class had much intrinsic value for him. Although his main exposure to feminist theory had come from some Buzzfeed quizzes that had been shared on his Facebook newsfeed, Bruce was sure that he understood all the concepts being covered in the course.
Luckily, that’s where the brilliance of his plan kicked in. Since he’d already mastered the course material he could spend all of his time trying to seduce his fellow classmates. While some might be skeptical of the effectiveness of his plan, Bruce has already told us about how successful he’s been after only a few classes.
“I’ve made eye contact with basically every girl in class already and I’m pretty sure I’m getting coffee with this one chick next week. I think she’s just writing a really long response because I’ve been seeing three dots in our messenger chat for like 15 minutes.” He assured us that none of the girls had caught onto his true motivations, thought of him as a really nice guy, and were totally impressed by his immense knowledge of the female experience.
“Honestly, I’m just really into studying women,” he told us while winking, with a level of confidence that implied that he didn't know he was the 10,000th person to make that same joke.