Satire  Published 03/12/18 2:01pm

Student Who Has Never Set Foot Inside the Palestra Currently Looking Up Flights to Kansas


Photo by Chase Sutton / The Daily Pennsylvanian

Sarah Clements (E '19) has always been a huge college basketball fan—ever since yesterday afternoon, around 2 p.m.

"I was so excited when my friend texted me that we won the championship," she explained, "like, almost as excited as when my city won the Super Bowl! Fly Eagles fly!"

Clements, an LA native, attended both the post-game riots and the parade and posted dozens of photos on Instagram. "By the way, totally random, but if you're interested, I'm selling this Carson Wentz jersey for like 50 bucks," she added, "Yeah, it's just like.... too big on me now, haha."

After Penn's championship game, though, she was disappointed. "Ugh, I was so angry when we got the 16th seed," said Clements, who definitely could not explain to you what traveling is, "The selection committee totally robbed us!"

This superfan still has hope, though. "I still believe that we'll beat Kansas! Like, no one thought that the Eagles would win the Super Bowl either. But I've always believed. I'm a real fan," argued Clements, who has literally never set foot inside the Palestra. "I'm going to look up tickets to the Kansas game right now."

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