Satire  Published 02/07/18 8:48pm

Student Who's Skipped 48 9AMs This Semester to Get up at 6 to Pregame for Parade


Photo by Sam Holland / The Daily Pennsylvanian

Ben Schuyler (W '19) likes his sleep.

"I'll be the first to tell you that I make sure I get my eight hours in— so when I heard that the Eagles parade was starting at 11, I was a little nervous," Schuyler explained. "I haven't attended a single one of my 9 ams after syllabus week. It's just too hard to get up that early, you know?"

"But then I realized: the Super Bowl parade is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! I've literally been waiting to celebrate the Eagles' victory my whole life," said Schuyler, who hails from Westchester, New York. "So yeah: there's no way I won't be going to Smoke's Wednesday night, sleeping from 2-6 am, and drinking Banker's, seltzer, and orange juice as soon as I wake up to get ready for this thing."

When asked if he had his priorities in order, Schuyler offered, "My math class puts the lecture slides on Canvas... I don't see what the big deal is."

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