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Satire  Published 02/03/18 5:30pm

Four Ways to Tell Your Roommates You Would Hate Nothing More Than to Live With Them Next Year

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Photo by Emily Xu / The Daily Pennsylvanian


Roommate selection period is coming up within a couple weeks, and you and your roommates have an unspoken agreement that all of you will live together again next year. You, however, have been making other arrangements and haven't informed your roommates that you absolutely hate living with them and would rather drop out than live with them again. Here are four ways to break the news.

1. Leave a note on top of their dirty dishes.

Write down a list of grievances and declare your independence from your roommates on a piece of paper, and leave the note on top of the dishes that have been sitting in the sink for a week. Since your roommates never wash the dishes, they will never find the note and will never confront you. Technically, though, you did tell them your plans.

2. Let it slip to your friend group's biggest gossip.

Who will swear to not say anything, but will say something to your roommates anyway. But now they can't confront you, because revealing they know about your other arrangements means implicating your friend.

3. Wait until you finish your own housing process, then let them know.

If you've already signed a lease or completed your on-campus housing process with another group of people, can your roommates really do anything to you? It might be awkward for the rest of the year, but you already dislike them. Might as well make the feeling mutual.

4. Have an open and honest discussion about your decision not to room with them next year, and apologize for not telling them earlier.

By far the worst option. Don't let it come to this.

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