Photo (with edits) by Eli Duke / CC BY-SA 2.0
Hey Penn students.
I see you. Up there on that elevated surface, handle of Tito's in the air, rocking out to Chance. You're a frat star, you made it. Congrats.
But you were a fucking nerd in high school.
All of you were.
I know it. That girl up there in the srat tank who was also a nerd in high school knows it. And I think deep down beneath that Dikembe Mutumbo Throwback Nuggets Jersey you know it too. It is what it is.
Nothing you can do can change it either. No matter how many freshman you haze or chicks you slam, you will always have been the president of White Plains High School's DARE Club. You're a fraud. A fratty, fratty, fraud.
And look, you discovered you were moderately good looking when you got to college and spent 3 straight days on Total Frat Move to change your look. You made up a story about how many babes you banged in high school. Everybody around you did too. You were all fucking geeks. You got into Penn.
Just because you can drink five shots in a row now doesn't mean you didn't take five AP classes your senior year. Just because you're the king of IM Basketball doesn't mean you weren't on the debate team. It's the cycle of Penn life. From nerd to frat star. Dust to Dust. Geek to Peak.
Now get out there and haze some balls you fucking nerds.