About

Satire  Published 11/06/17 7:26pm

Study: Penn Students Less Likely to Attend Downtowns if There Isn't a Photographer

people2590266_1280

Photo from Pixabay / CC0


A new study has found that Penn students are less likely to attend downtowns if there is no professional photographer at the event.

This longitudinal cohort study observed students’ attendance rates at downtown events, such as Dynamic Dyads and Supernatural Gardens, over the course of a semester. The results were staggering. If there was no formal pictorial documentation of students’ presence at the downtown, attendance rates were at an all time low.

UTB reporters followed up with Casey and Rebecca, two girls who decided the downtown last Thursday wasn’t worth their time.

“The only reason I would spend $20 in cover, $20 in fees to the bouncer to ignore my IDjesus fake, and $20 at the shitty BYO beforehand is so that I can get an Insta pic of a flaming bottle of SKY vodka. And it’s not like Rebecca can get that money shot on her iPhone 6S,” explained Casey. 

Further research should examine the relationship between hired photographers and attendance at date nights, mixers, and even birthday parties. This study’s findings indicate that a positive correlation between these variables is inevitable. 

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.