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Satire  Published 11/14/17 12:45am

Student With 'So Much Work' Spends One Hour Sitting on Bed Wearing Towel

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Photo by Charlie Sosnick


Michael Robertson (E ’20) has a lot of homework and several midterms this week. 

“I have so much work,” Michael said.

So why did he spend 71 minutes lounging on his bed in a towel this morning?

After waking up early to do work, Michael disrobed and put on a towel to take a shower. However, instead of walking to the bathroom and bathing himself, Michael sat down on his bed and stared blankly at the wall.

“I had an irresistible need to sit down on the bed,” Michael said. “I was completely under the pull of its magnetism.”

While seated on the bed, naked but for a soft bath towel, Michael’s mind reeled.

“I strongly considered dropping out of college,” he recounted.

On nine separate occasions during his bed-sitting session, Michael looked at the clock and redoubled his intention to shower. He was, unfortunately, unable to stand up.

Upon finally showering and getting dressed, Michael made his way to the library to browse Facebook and other websites for seven hours. 

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