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Satire  Published 11/06/17 3:07am

Report: Amy Gutmann’s Daughter Originally Named “New Baby”

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Photo from Pixabay / CC0


Sources close to Penn President Amy Gutmann revealed this Saturday that her daughter, Princeton professor Abigail Gutmann Doyle, was originally baptised under the name "New Baby."

When reached for comment, Gutmann gave us a cheery wave and told us that “the name seemed appropriate at the time," and that her husband (who declined to comment) “flat out refused to have her named 'Media Baby,' 'Innovation Baby,' or 'Perry World Baby.'"

New Baby, who legally changed her name to Abigail at the age of 25, noted that while she wished her mother had put a little more thought into naming her only child, she “probably would have done something similar, all things considered.”

Dr. Doyle reportedly gently rebuffed her mother’s request to name her infant son “New Baby South." 

"He was born south of where she was!” commented a slightly miffed President Gutmann. “I didn’t really see what the issue was."

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