About

Satire  Published 11/09/17 10:43am

Future Penn ED Reject Confident He Will Write No More Applications

documentrejectrejecteddeclinerejectionstamp1726352

Photo from Max Pixel / CC0


Edward Liu, a high school senior from Radnor, Pennsylvania, submitted his Early Decision application to Penn last week. Sources say that Liu is confident that application will be his last.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna bother starting or submitting any other applications," said Liu when we asked him about this questionable decision. "I'm basically a shoo-in for Penn, and the early decision rates are way higher than regular decision, so there's no way I won't get in."

Unfortunately for him, a Penn acceptance will not be forthcoming. Eric Furda, the Dean of Admissions, revealed to us in confidence that Liu's application immediately went in the reject pile.

"Edward's application, while strong, reeked of arrogance," said Furda. "Normally that's what we look for in a candidate, but I've been told by the higher-ups that the students at Penn are just getting too unbearable these days. He had to go."

That's tough to hear, but at least we can trust Furda to be unbiased - his own son didn't get into Penn.

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.