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Satire  Published 11/21/17 4:16pm

Dining Dollars Now Only Accepted at Denny's for 3% of Dollar Value

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Photo by Billy Hathorn / CC SA 3.0


In an unexpected but exciting move, Penn Dining announced that it will be removing Dining Dollars as a payment option at restaurants and cafés on Penn’s campus. Instead, the currency will only be accepted at a few specific locations of the national diner-style restaurant chain Denny’s, at a conversion rate of one Dining Dollar to three US cents.

Dining services touted the change as a major improvement to Penn’s dining system.

“We started selling mediocre food for very high prices a long time ago, and now we’re continuing and expanding on that tradition with terrible food for disgustingly exorbitant prices,” a representative said in an email.

The representative also made sure to reiterate that there are going to be no changes to the freshman dining plan policy. “Yes, we will still force you to buy dining dollars, and yes, you will have more swipes then you need. And yes, the conversion rate will still be four dining dollars for a swipe.”

The closest Denny’s is 6.2 miles away, in Clifton Heights, but Penn does not see a problem there.

“We really don’t care about making freshmen happy,” the email concluded. “What are they going to do, transfer?"

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