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Satire  Published 11/08/17 11:18pm

I’m Sorry I Missed Your Birth, Son. I Had a Fourth Round Interview at Bain.

babyanddadsleeping

Photo by Vera Kratochvil / CC0


My Beloved Son,

I am writing you this letter to apologize for missing your birth. I should have been there. But I hope you can find it in your heart to understand that I had a fourth round interview at Bain & Company and therefore could not be present.

Bain & Company is one of the world’s top business consulting firms. When I learned that their in-office superday would coincide with the 40th week of your mother’s pregnancy, I knew I would be forced to make a difficult decision. But that’s what we do at Bain: we provide the tools you need to make the tough calls.

As I rode an Amtrak train (business class) from Philadelphia to Bain headquarters in Boston, I received word that your mother’s water had broken. Immediately, I considered getting off at the next stop and racing to meet your mother at the hospital.

But then I remembered what an internship at Bain would mean to me. It would be the start of a stressful but lucrative career, a chance to provide business analytics and capability insights to top executives around the globe. So I decided to go to the interview instead of your birth.

You should know that during my interview, I was asked about the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. I told the interviewer that it was choosing to be in that conference room, enjoying complimentary coffee and crumble cake, instead of being in the delivery room with you and your mom. I hope that gives you solace.

Now that I have my position developing business unit growth strategies for the forest products industry, I know it was worth it. While I may not have been there to watch your birth, I was able to secure a fairly prestigious internship which led to a return offer. And that has made all the difference.

At Bain, we help global leaders with their organization’s most critical issues and opportunities. Together, we create enduring change and results. I hope that as you grow up, I can help you with your most critical issues and opportunities to create enduring change and results in your life.

Love,
Dad

Associate Consultant 
Forest Products, Paper, and Packaging
Bain & Company

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