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Satire  Published 03/02/17 3:16pm

Freshman Valiantly Tries To Give Up Social Media For Lent

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Photo: Carson Kahoe / The Daily Pennsylvanian


Lent is here! While some students on campus have scrounged for ways to beat God at his own game, Wharton Freshman Adam “Influencer” Smith has taken the task of personal sacrifice very seriously.

“I really wanted to go big,” said Smith, who has more than 2,000 followers on his personal Instagram account (@BieberSmith) and close to 5,000 on his meme account (@BieberMemes).

“I wanted to hit it where it hurts, show the big man up there that I’m serious about all this redemption and stuff,” he said.

After consulting with his advertisers, his tumblr girlfriend and his priest, Smith decided to give up social media for lent. Yesterday, he woke up and prayed for the strength not to turn his phone off Airplane mode. In the bathroom, he heard someone talking about a new Snapchat filter, but still he resisted. For the first time in years, he brushed his teeth and ate an avocado sandwich without anyone knowing.

Smith lasted a full 18 minutes before devouring his Instagram and Facebook feeds like they were his life source.

“I’m still pretty proud of myself,” he said in retrospect. “In those long 8 minutes, I felt like I really connected with the world around me and showed everyone how far I am able to push myself for salvation.”

Right now, Smith is working on a three to four thousand word Facebook status to elaborate more on this experience. 

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