Genius: Nervous RA Comes Up With List Of Alternative Contraceptives

Daniel Burex, a junior RA in the quad, is too nervous to go to Fro-Gro to buy condoms, but the freshmen on his floor sure as hell aren't going to do it. He knows they need to use some sort of protection, or else they'll end up having a kid and naming it something stupid, like Jaxson or Rainbow. Luckily, Todd is a clever ivy-league student and thought up a genius list of alternative forms of contraception that he has readily available:

1. A Pair of crocs
2. A Pair of crocodiles
3. Your disappointed grandmother
4. A Nickelback tattoo
5. Sex panther cologne (only works 60% of the time)
6. A Swift kick to the nuts
7. PB&J with the crusts cut off
8. The realization that the bees are dying at an alarming rate
9. Chlamydia
10. Tickets to the Shabbatones concert
11. Spiky stubble
12. Musical.ly account
13. Posting on the class page
14. Chastity belt
15. A playlist of babies crying
16. Mountain dew
17. Your disappointed priest
18. Subscription to the Statesman
19. An abstinence-only sex education
20. Third and fourth nipples
21. A balloon covered in worries
22. Tinder Plus
23. Feet for hands
24. Editorial position at Under the Button
25. MERT outfit