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AWwWWwWWWW yyyEEEEaaAHhh, you and your special fella just got a moment alone. Time to flatten him like a pancake and whisper him some sweet nothings, 'cause Valentine's Day is coming up and he smells like Old Spice! Except your moment alone is actually in the fishbowl-iest dining establishment on campus, and, is that even a comfortable position?
Join UTB! Apps Due By 11:59 Tonight! C'mon, you funny sons of guns. Be part of our family.
If you haven't been trolling the Ancient Egypt chat rooms on AOL.com, you might not know that Penn Researchers recently uncovered a BRAND NEW (read: very old) sarcophagus from an unknown pharaoh! This is cool for three reasons, in order of coolness:
As you may have read in this morning's DP, Huntsman GSRs are getting freshly remodeled in 2016. This of course makes sense; in one of the newest buildings on campus, the highest-tech and most-exclusive study areas are getting renovated. OF COURSE!
FROZEN WATER IS FALLING FROM THE SKY, sideways, kind of! As you all snug in your rugs and sip from your mugs, join us for a slip and slide down memory lane...
Classes Cancelled From 2 PM On Due to SNOW But snowbody snows what to do about the 1:30-3 lectures. MAYHEM!
In light of the tragic deaths of too many Quakers in recent weeks, UTB is planning a memorial post. We hope to create a virtual place, an online vigil, to remember those whom we have lost.
It's second semester, which means stress, rush, food, stress-food, stress-sex and sex-food. We want to know about all of it. Remember, UTB is your place to turn for up-to-the minute campus news and gossip, but we get by with a little help from our friends! Our handy tip box over to the right is the place to (anonymously!) keep us in the know. So tip it, tip it good.
Ah Penn Preview Days, when prefrosh make impulsive judgments in order to come to an informed decision about where to throw a quarter of a million dollars over the next four years.
We've known it was coming, but like...damn. That's the church on 40th and Sansom, getting its guts ripped out. And what beautiful guts they are. Soon it will be pizza and froyo, which are part of a different kind of religion. Go check out the destruction before it's too snowy to leave your bed.
’Twas the night before finals and all throughout Penn, There was nobody raging or peeing on Ben. All the Quakers were studious, cramming their brains, And feeling that 9th latte surge through their veins.
Happy snowy day, and stay tuned for the best damn finals features we can cook up. Godspeed.
While this may seem to be some Joke Day farce, we promise you, we're for real this time. A recent sighting of Perry the Possum has thrown us into emotional turmoil. It can't be, we thought to ourselves. That fluffy head, those beady eyes. We thought you were DEAD, Perry! We thought you were IMPALED by a Quad-adjacent fencepost! Are you the Tupac Shakur of Possums?? Then we wised up. This is real life. Perry is dead. And his ghost looks just like him and will haunt Perelman Quad for aaaallll tiiiiime!
Man, we haven't seen an ice menorah that impressive since our beleaguered ancestors were being forced out of frigid Eastern Europe by the Cossack armies! After all, nothing says "Jews, your holiday is over, time for the Christian/secular masses to go apeshit over Christmas for the next month" quite like ice in 50 degree weather. Are the tiki-torches sadder than the menorah itself? Discuss.
It's a sad tale heard all too frequently: It's Homecoming. You're dedicating a tree (classic Homecoming), you've got your three engraved golden shovels, and you get distracted from the opulence by a passing squirrel/possum/drunk freshman. Suddenly, one of your tremendous trowels has wandered off, as if by magic! (Classic shovel behavior.) You send several mass emails, desperately trying to locate it. Two weeks pass and it still has not been found.
If you woke up later than 10 this morning, you may have looked out your coveted high rise window and wonder where all the leaves had gone. Here's the answer: they were sucked up by giant machines, spit into a massive pile, loaded into a truck, and carted off to parts unknown (Drexel?) Ah, nothing says "fall" like the mechanized removal of dead, mummified chlorophyll that once symbolized everything fresh and new.
Senior Superlatives Voting Crashed and you gotta re-vote! Democracy! Yah! Link here.
As you may have heard, our favorite only on-campus grocery store has recently gotten a bit of a corporate makeover. ShopRite is now running things, and they're classin' the place up. Here's a roundup of some of the improvements, and some of the things that will probably never change because let's face it, it's FroGro.
Homecoming has Homecome-and-gone, and SORORITY is putting on PHILANTHROPY EVENT on DAY. Read on!
We asked, you answered. In addition to aggregating the costumes you sent to us, we also decided everything in our collective newsfeeds was fair game. Anticipating your comments, yes we did format this article with a potato. Enjoy!